The two agents, cops, or kidnapper hobbyists—Coop still hadn’t decided which—took him back the way they’d come.

“Looks good,” Coop said to the family as the father took a pile of burgers and hot dogs off the grill. None of them said anything. Coop was manhandled back into the van and it took off.

Once they got moving again, the gunman said, “You tell anyone you took a runner and I’ll make sure you’re eaten by a spider.”

“Sounds like a big spider,” said Coop.

“Remember that dog?

“Yes.”

“Bigger.”

Coop spit out some grass that had gotten lodged between his teeth. “Do they let you make decisions like that? I get the feeling you’re the kind of guy if I asked for a decaf, you’d bring me galoshes.”

The woman covered her mouth and tried to suppress a laugh. The gunman shot her a look.

“We’ve got a world of fun waiting for you, pal. You messed up good.”

“Thanks. I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t explained it to me,” Coop said. He looked at the floor where the man’s feet rested near his new clothes. “Please be careful. Most of that stuff is brand new.”

The gunman slid open the van door and kicked out the clothes. “Run free, little shirts,” he called after them.

Coop looked at him. “Do you know how hard I worked for those clothes?”

“Yep.”

“Just checking.”

The woman was giving the gunman a disgusted look. “If it’s any consolation,” she said to Coop, “you’re going to get to leave. I have to work with him every day.”

“You must spend a lot on Zantac.”

“As much as my rent.”

“You’re both breaking my heart,” said the gunman. “And for the record, smart guy, you killed my shirt with the little spitting stunt back there, so I think we’re about even.”

“I’m being kidnapped and was almost eaten by a T. rex. I don’t think we’re even close to even,” said Coop.

The woman shook her head. “This isn’t really a kidnapping. Think of it as aggressive job recruitment.”

“Don’t tell him anything else,” the gunman said.

“What kind of benefits?” said Coop.

“What?”

“The recruitment. How much vacation time? You have a dental plan? Stock options?”

“There’s only one benefit. I don’t shoot you.”

“That’s a good one,” said Coop.

“I thought you’d like it.”