Qaphsiel pointed to the Bonaventure. “That building over there recently held the vessel in which is contained the doom of mankind.”

“I think my sister used to have one of those,” said the old man.

“I seriously doubt it.”

“No, I’m sure. She got it in Mexico. Little bitty thing. Hooked it up and we got all the stations. HBO. Showtime. Even the adult ones, if you know what I mean.”

Qaphsiel folded the map and put it in a pocket of his Windbreaker. “Stealing cable can hardly be compared to the doom of mankind.”

“The cable company certainly acted like it was the end of the world,” said the old woman. “They threatened to call the police.”

Qaphsiel pointed to a young couple up the block. “Look. Those people have a map. I bet you’ll be able to see theirs.”

“But it’s so much more fun to stay and torment you,” said the old man.

Qaphsiel looked at them both. When they smiled their teeth were yellow and there were too many of them. “Who are you?”

“Don’t you recognize us?”

“No . . . wait. Leviathan and Beelzebub?”

“You got it,” the old man, Leviathan, said.

“Would you please just leave me alone?” groaned Qaphsiel, less like a celestial being of the highest order and more like every single mortal child on Earth discovering that no, in fact, they couldn’t have Graham crackers right before dinner.

Beelzebub, the old woman, said, “It’s been five hundred years. We thought you’d be happy to see us. How often do you get to talk to your own kind?”

“You’re not my kind. You serve Lucifer.”

“Let’s not split hairs,” said the old man. “We’re the closest thing you have to family down here and just wanted to stop by to remind you that you can always give up this hopeless quest and come over to our side.”

“You’re not my family, and I’m not going to join you.”

“Why not? Face it. If you were going to end the world, you would have done it by now.”

“I’m so close. You have no idea,” said Qaphsiel. “You’ll see. Save your temptations for someone else.”

Beelzebub said, “You know that Lucifer will never let you use that box, right? He loves this world too much. So much pain. So much death. So much fun.”

Suspicion crept into Qaphsiel’s mind. “You didn’t steal it from me, did you?”

“I’m afraid not. Losing it was all you,” said Beelzebub.

“Idiot,” Leviathan coughed.

“That’s why you should come over to us,” she continued. “You should hear the way they talk about you in Heaven.”

“No. You’re just trying to trick me. I have a destiny.”