Chapters (57)
Callen shrugs. “We can tell him it was me.”
“No, no,” I return, wiping yet another slick lock of hair from my face. “You still have a reputation.”
“And so do you,” he says, turning to face me with our shared cloak overhead. “Even if they’re angry when they notice you’re gone. After we save the city there’s no way that the king doesn’t pardon you.”
I pause. “Do you really think that?”
“Yes.”
“It’s nice to hear someone else say it,” I reply. I’ve been so wrapped up in acting first, thinking later, that I haven’t allowed much room for any logical thought—and Callen does love logic.
I finally look at him. In the moment, it’s so easy to remember the past golden hours we spent together. Our whole lives, two pairs of wings soaring side by side.
Callen keeps very still, until I swear to the skies he leans in. Our breaths mingle, and I study his face, his eyes, his lips …
He pulls back abruptly, sending rainwater dripping down my head. “Hey!” I say as I catch the cloak at the last second and pull it back.
“Sorry,” he says. “I just didn’t think this was a good time to…”
“I know,” I reply. “But … do you know what I thought when the teams were named?” He shakes his head. “My first thought was that you’d better come home.”
Callen furrows his brow. “Okay?”
“But this isn’t about me or you. Or Ox.”
“I know.”
“But if for one moment, it was about us,” I start. His head snaps up, expression so full of hope. “Then I’d tell you that I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, and I’m not going to risk a lifetime of friendship on a chance that I’ll change my mind.” I know I’m falling short. I know my words aren’t enough, but I have to say something. “If this was about us, then I’d tell you that you know I love you. Of course I do. How could I not? You’re my best friend, Callen, and I love you for that. I just don’t know for certain if I’m in love with you.”
The pain in his eyes is enough to snuff out the sun. “Right. Okay.”
“We have more important things to focus on,” I say. “Let’s find the cure. Then we can … figure this out.”
He gives me a half-hearted smile. “Okay.”
Then he hands me the now-useless cloak and turns for the barn. I watch him walk away, feeling as if I am trying to grasp at the sun long after it’s slipped below the horizon, leaving shadows in its wake.