“My brothers! My crew! You want me to smile and pretend everything’s fine so it doesn’t make you feel bad?”

“Fuck. You.”

“Just leave then,” he said, laying back against his mound of pillows.

My mouth fell open. “This is my house! You leave!”

“Maybe I will!” he said, sitting up again, his feet touching the floor. He grabbed his knees and leaned forward, obviously dizzy.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said, rushing over and kneeling in front of him. I touched his neck, searching for a pulse. His heart was working hard, but nothing crazy.

“I’m fine,” he said, trying to push my hand away.

I grabbed his wrist. “Let me help you, damn it. Let me love you! What is wrong with you?” I said, standing. “Why are you taking this out on me?”

“I don’t know!” he yelled, breathing hard. His voice softened, his wild eyes, returning to the Zeke I knew. “I don’t know.” He grabbed me and pulled me against his chest, holding me tight. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” He covered his face. “I’m so sorry. I just… I don’t know how to fix this.”

“We don’t,” I said, my cheek against his chest. “It’s not going away, Zeke. We work with it. We handle it. We don’t fight each other.”

He let me go and nodded, his head hanging in shame. “I don’t think I’d win anyway.”

I smiled and play-punched his shoulder. “That’s right, so quit pissing me off.”

His expression turned sad. “I love you. I love you so fucking much, and I see what’s happening, and I hate it. But I’m so fucking angry, Naomi. I don’t want this for either of us.”

I stretched up, pressing my lips against his. “The important things between us are still the same. I know it’s not enough, but we can work with that. We can build a life with that, even if it’ll be different than what you thought.”

“Than what you thought.”

I touched my forehead to his. “Please? Please try.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll do better.”

“So you’ll let me make an appointment?”

He thought about it. “Not yet. I need more time.”

“Zeke.”

“I know. Time is one thing we don’t have.”

I cupped his cheeks. “Please? Please.”

“Because I’ll die? Because you don’t need another funeral?”

I closed my eyes and sat back on my haunches, rubbing my face in frustration. “Can we live in the present, please?”

“You first.”

I looked up at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He winced. “Fuck. Fuck, Naomi. I hate who I am right now.”

I pressed him back gently onto his back and tugged the hem of his shirt upward, but he stopped me.

“I just tried to kick you out of your own house.”