“Maybe you should just take me back to the hotel so you can get some rest,” I said.

“No. No, I’m taking care of you tonight. We’re going to take a bath and lay in bed naked, and I’m going to remind you that being sick doesn’t make you less of a man.”

I leaned toward her, my elbow on the console. Not even shame could deter me from that plan. “You’re perfect, you know that, right?”

“Yes, I do. I also know you’re perfect for me. Stop making me work for it, okay?”

I breathed out a laugh to mask the lump in my throat. I’m going to lose her. She’ll either leave me, or I’ll push her away because I can’t let it go that I don’t feel like I measure up. I wasn’t sure how to fix it other than pretending I deserved her. I could tell the occasional white lie, but living one took more energy than I had. “Deal.”

chapter thirty-one

the elephant

Naomi

Z

eke and I sat at a table near the dance floor at McCormack’s. The day lights had been dimmed, the regulars already drunk and heading home. We were celebrating Watts buying his first house, even if it was in the armpit of Colorado Springs.

Zeke seemed bored, watching Jerry trying to shoo people holding drinks in their hand off the new dance floor. He sipped his water, his chin in his hand. Watts was at the bar, drinking a beer before he came back to sit with us.

“Hey,” I said, nudging Zeke’s arm. “What’s up?”

“I’m a pretty good dancer. Did I ever tell you that?”

“A few times.”

“I never got to swing you around out there. I thought I had plenty of time.”

“I’m terrible, but if you want to dance, just ask.”

He shook his head. “Better not.”

“Oh, c’mon. We’ll take it easy. Won’t do anything that gets you too out of breath … until we get home.”

He finally smiled. The first weeks after his diagnosis, Zeke stayed positive about it all, but as time went by and more test results came back, he became sullen and depressed. Fire season was approaching, and he was waiting on word if they would allow him back regardless of Dr. Levine’s refusal to release him and my pleading for him not to appeal to the higher ups.

He laced his fingers between mine. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“So,” Watts said, putting his cell phone on the table. “Kansas might come visit.”

“Oh yeah? You finally talked her into it?” I asked.

“She wants to see my place before fire season starts.” He glanced at Zeke for a reaction. “Sorry.”

Zeke shook his head. “Don’t be. Chief will get me back in.”