I put his bowl in the sink and washed it, feeling tears sting my eyes. Truthfully, the thought of going through loss again scared the shit out of me. The sight of Zeke wiping his eyes broke my heart. The nauseous-slash-butterflies feeling was familiar, even if I hadn’t felt it in years. My fingers gripped the edge of the sink, and I breathed out a faltering breath.

“Naomi,” Zeke said from the dining room.

I wiped my eyes with my wrist, rinsed the bowl and spoon, and set them out to dry. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“You feeling sorry for me is exactly what I didn’t want.”

“I don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “I just…” I turned to him, meeting his gaze. “I held Darby’s baby girl today.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Yeah? Is she pretty?”

I nodded. “Beautiful. They named her Maddie, after Matt. I realized while I was holding her… I mean, I always knew, but… I don’t want children, Zeke. I don’t mind kids, but I don’t want to be anyone’s mother. Is that okay?”

“Yeah?” he said, confused. “Since this is hereditary, I don’t think kids are a good idea anyway.”

I rolled my eyes and looked at him. “You didn’t even think about it. You could adopt.”

“I just want you.”

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure because I…” I trailed off, afraid. Finally, I decided to just blurt it out.

“I love you,” I said.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, clearly wondering if he’d heard me right. “You…?”

“I’m worried about you, I empathize with you, but if I feel sorry for you at all it’s because you’re in love with me. I needed you to know my feelings on children before I said it.”

“You love me,” he repeated, still unsure.

I nodded. “When you didn’t wake up, I wished I’d told you sooner. I don’t want another second to go by without you knowing. I don’t know if I’m good for you, but I’ll keep trying until I am.”

His bottom lip quivered, and he opened his arms wide, wrapping them around me, and holding me as tight as he could, his cheek against my hair. “Babe,” he said, his voice breaking. “For real?”

I gripped his shirt with my fists, closing my eyes. “Long haul. Real as it gets.”

He touched each side of my face, looking down at me, his eyes dancing from one of my irises to the other. “Best Christmas ever.”