‘Why is it called a Code Purple?’ asked one of the newer members of staff, a young woman, turning to Nelson, who blinked back at her many, many, many times. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked. ‘You’re not having a stroke, are you?’

‘It’s called a Code Purple because we don’t know whether she’s having a boy or a girl yet,’ said Martin, leaning his head down between the two, the smell of nicotine causing Nelson to rear back in his seat. ‘Mix blue and pink together and what do you get? Purple. It’ll be Danny Thornton,’ he added, standing up now and shouting over everyone. ‘He’s been putting it about ever since his cousin got to Boot Camp on X Factor.’

‘Daniel is indeed one of the names in the frame,’ admitted Mr Pepford. ‘I’ve made a list of the usual suspects and Sarah’s parents have asked me to interview them one by one. But until we know for sure who the guilty party is, there’s nothing we can do.’

The meeting broke up with the teachers standing around and gossiping among themselves, and Nelson felt relieved when the phone rang in his pocket so he wouldn’t have to join in the chatter. He took it out and looked at the screen before making his way outside to the corridor. It was Achilles calling. He frowned. Achilles almost never phoned.

This, he decided, pressing the ‘Accept’ button, couldn’t be good.

HOW TO SATISFY YOUR HUSBAND

Achilles hadn’t heard a word from Jeremy Arlo since the previous evening at the Churchill Arms. That had been a near facsimile of many other first dates he’d set up, in that the older man had tried to behave as if there was nothing strange about their being together while remaining visibly anxious throughout their meeting. And while Jeremy had either been too polite or too frightened to suggest that anything more intimate take place, Achilles knew from experience that it was only a matter of time before the delicate subject of sex was raised, at which point he could pretend to be shocked and wounded by the misunderstanding while making a few financial demands to maintain his silence.

As he sat down to lunch at home now with his mother and her ghost, he began to feel a little insulted that Jeremy was not flooding him with text messages and decided that he needed to move things along himself. Something simple, he decided. Nothing that might scare the mark away.

Achilles Cleverley

Hey! Really enjoyed meeting you last night. Crazy busy here! xo

Beverley had prepared one of his favourite meals, an enormous bowl of chicken Caesar salad with home-made croutons, and he put his phone aside as she filled a plate for each of them. He was still trying to decide what he made of the new employee, who so far seemed impervious to his charms. The previous ghost, the one who’d been eaten by a lion, had also been unreceptive to him, and he’d once overheard her in conversation with Elizabeth describing him as ‘cute, I guess, but kinda bratty’, and while he recognized her description as an accurate one, it had nevertheless offended his sense of dignity.