‘But neither of us has any professional training,’ she protested. ‘And you don’t like blood. You nearly passed out last week when you got a splinter in your foot. I thought I was going to have to sedate you when I was taking it out.’

‘That’s not fair,’ he said. ‘The heel is a notoriously sensitive part of the human anatomy. And I wasn’t crying from pain. I was crying because I realized that you appreciated me enough to help prevent my leg from turning gangrenous. Just think, if you say yes, we could be pulling splinters from the limbs of lepers this time next month. Can you imagine anything more exciting?’

‘I can,’ she said. ‘But we don’t have all day so there’s no point in me starting a list. Do they even have Wi-Fi on this island of yours?’

‘Look, I don’t need you to decide right now,’ he said with a sigh. ‘I know I’ve thrown this at you out of the blue. All I ask is that you think about it, okay? Keep an open mind. Read up about it. Consider how much good we can do in a part of the world that is desperate for people like you and me, and how this is a completely unexploited hashtag on social media. #WilkesHelpsLepers.’

‘I’m happy to think about it,’ said Elizabeth, standing up and resolving to think about anything but this for the rest of the day. ‘But in order to do so, I need to go home and have a long, hot bath. I always think best in the bath.’

He nodded. ‘Do you want some company?’ he asked hopefully.

She thought about it. He did look adorable, sitting there in his oversized cardigan with a bunch of old elastic bands inexplicably wrapped around his tiny little wrist. But all this talk of leprosy had eradicated any sexual desire she might have felt. She needed some time alone.

‘No thanks,’ she said. ‘But I’ll post a photo once I’m submerged.’

AFTER EIGHT

Beverley waited until the house was empty to contact Pylyp. He’d been gone less than twenty-four hours but she was already missing him, so much so that, the previous night, she’d had an erotic dream about shirtless Ukrainian peasants charging Russian soldiers with pitchforks as they attacked each other across the Carpathian Mountains. Waking in a state of disarray, she’d given serious consideration to nudging George, who was lying asleep next to her, and inviting him to take advantage of her arousal, something that neither of them had proposed in quite some time.

A few hours earlier, she’d texted her lover to say that she would Skype him at this time, when she was sure to be alone, and he answered now on the second ring, appearing on the screen before her in a tank-top, his face damp with perspiration, as if he’d just completed a workout.