‘You little prick,’ snarled George. ‘Hold on.’ He started tapping away at the phone himself and, while the younger man tried to grab it back, George spun around in circles, ensuring that he kept a firm hold of it. ‘Now,’ he said finally in triumph. ‘Guess what I’ve just done? I’ve deleted your account. No deactivation, a simple deletion. It said this action cannot be reversed and I said, good, that’s what I want. You are no longer on Twitter. You have no more followers. You are voiceless. So you won’t need this, will you?’ He raised the phone above his head now and flung it to the ground, where it smashed into a dozen or more pieces. The man screamed and slumped back in his chair, his eyes closed, a faint line of drool seeping from the left corner of his mouth.

‘I think he’s fainted,’ said one of the actresses. ‘He has. Look. He’s fainted.’

‘You’re an animal!’ cried a man that George had never seen before in his life.

‘And who the fuck are you?’ George asked, turning on him. ‘You’re not even famous, so what are you doing here? At least she’s famous,’ he added, pointing to the actress. ‘And he’s famous,’ he said, pointing to the musician. ‘And I’m famous. But who the fuck are you?’

‘I’m up and coming,’ said the man in a dignified voice. ‘If you must know, I had a recurring role in Season Three of Downton Abbey.’

‘Upstairs or downstairs?’

The man hung his head in shame. ‘Downstairs,’ he admitted.

‘Then you can fuck right off. Up and coming, my arse! Fuckity bye! Go on! Fuckity bye! And you!’ he cried, looking over at another of the actresses, who wasn’t even a movie star. She was just a regular on EastEnders. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

Her phone was held aloft and she was pointing it in his direction. ‘Filming you,’ she said. ‘This is classic stuff. Sure to go viral. Also, I want to direct.’

‘You don’t even know the rules, do you?’ he shouted. ‘There’s no photographs or filming allowed in here.’ He looked around, appealing to his audience. ‘She’s breaking the rules!’

‘This will get a million views by this time tomorrow,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll survive.’

‘Not if you don’t get to post it, you won’t,’ he said, launching himself at her and, to the consternation of the onlookers, the EastEnders actress disappeared beneath George’s bulky frame.

‘George!’ cried Denise, rushing over. ‘Someone, help!’

From beneath George, the actress could be heard screaming, while several people, including some of the waiters, waded in to try to drag him off her. When they finally succeeded, he had her phone in his hand too and, like the hipster’s, it soon found itself smashed on the ground.

‘There!’ shouted George. ‘Tweet that!’

The atmosphere changed suddenly, and those who were holding him let go. Every head turned in the direction of the entrance, where two policemen had appeared, and they were standing there watching, with bemused expressions upon their faces.