‘Oh, that’s just Dad. He’ll sort himself out.’

‘I might not,’ grunted George. ‘Where are the boys anyway?’ he asked, reaching for a bowl of olives that he studied for a moment before pushing away in distaste.

‘Achilles is out,’ said Beverley. ‘And I don’t know where Nelson is. Do you, Elizabeth?’

‘No, but I did receive a strange text from him earlier to say that he’d quit his job and had taken a lover, but I assumed that was some sort of auto-correct mistake.’

‘Nelson? Taken a lover?’ asked George. ‘Have we slipped into an alternate universe?’

‘I’ll call him tomorrow and see what’s going on,’ said Beverley. ‘Make sure he hasn’t got himself into any trouble. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, after all,’ she added, glaring at her husband.

‘Ah. Back to me. Wonderful.’

‘Will all of this blow over in time, do you think?’ asked Elizabeth, trying her best to look concerned.

‘Who knows? Right now, my popularity level’s on a par with Laurence Fox’s. I’m pretty sure my cards are marked.’

‘You think you’ll end up getting fired?’ asked Beverley, sitting upright.

‘I think there’s an excellent chance of that happening, yes.’

‘But what will we do? For money, I mean,’ asked Elizabeth.

‘That’s hardly an issue. We own the house. And the other houses. We’re financially secure. And I daresay I’ll be able to sell my memoirs. I’ll be in the doghouse for a year or so, then I’ll do an interview with one of the Sundays saying how much I’ve listened, and grown, and learned—’

‘Do you plan on listening, growing and learning?’

‘Not a chance. But I’ll be happy to say so if it shuts the POOTs up. And after that, I might get an offer from ITV.’

‘Oh, George!’ cried Beverley, putting her glass down. ‘It hasn’t come to that, surely?’

‘You could go into the jungle,’ suggested Elizabeth. ‘Or the Celebrity Big Brother house. They like nothing more than someone who’s publicly disgraced himself. It’s a chance for redemption.’

‘Yes to the former. No to the latter.’

‘Well, you have always loved Australia,’ said Beverley. ‘And they say you lose about ten kilos if you make it to the end. It could be the making of you. I’d be happy to come along. I believe they put the spouses up in a luxury hotel. You don’t think I’d have to socialize with Ant and Dec, though, do you? There are limits.’

George looked down at his protruding belly, which had expanded noticeably in recent years. ‘It would be cheaper than a gym, I suppose,’ he said. ‘In fact, they’d probably pay me a small fortune. We’ll see what happens tomorrow, and I’ll decide then.’