‘Non-whattary?’ asked George.

‘Non-binary. We no longer identify as male or female.’

‘Oh, Christ on a bike,’ muttered George, filling a second glass with whisky.

‘If it’s helpful at all,’ said Beverley, ‘I’ve always had trouble identifying you as either. I’ve never been entirely sure that you’re even human.’

‘We do love your sense of humour, Bev,’ said Wilkes, sitting back on the sofa and placing a cushion behind his back. George, watching, made a mental note to have the cushion incinerated later. ‘But you see—’

Before he could continue his sentence, Beverley had leapt from her seat, charged across the room and, ignoring the foul odour that wrapped itself around her like an Edwardian greatcoat, pointed her index finger in his face. ‘Do not ever – ever – call me Bev,’ she shouted. ‘My name is Beverley Cleverley. You can call me Mrs Cleverley, or Beverley, if you must, but never Bev. And, all being well, after the new year, it will be Lady Cleverley, if my husband hasn’t managed to mess that up too.’

‘Beverley,’ said Wilkes, holding his filthy hands in the air in an act of surrender. ‘We only meant that we no longer wish to be associated with the heteronormative constraints of traditional male and female identities. We don’t want to be labelled.’

‘I labelled you as a complete moron from the moment I met you,’ said George.

‘So, it would be great if you could bear this in mind from now on. That’s all we’re asking.’

‘I don’t care what you call yourself,’ replied Beverley, sitting down again, confident that she’d got her point across. ‘You can call yourself Ozymandias, King of Kings, if it makes you happy. Just don’t ever call me Bev.’

‘Non-binary,’ mused George. ‘When you think about it, isn’t that a label in itself?’

‘No,’ said Wilkes. ‘On the contrary.’

‘Well, what is it, then?’

‘It’s a … it’s a term we use to express who we are.’

‘So, a label, then.’

‘No, it’s less labellic, you see.’

‘It can’t be, since labellic is not actually a word.’

‘Non-binary is like being gender fluid. It—’

‘I didn’t ask for synonyms. I asked whether it’s also a label.’

‘Well, perhaps,’ admitted Wilkes, sounding a little crestfallen, as if he’d been told that the Tooth Fairy didn’t exist just after he’d lost a particularly impressive molar. ‘But either way, it doesn’t have the societal or sociological implications that other phrases have.’

‘I don’t even know what that means,’ said George with a shrug. ‘I suspect it means nothing at all.’

‘Actually, I’ve read about this,’ said Beverley. ‘So, you’re saying that, from now on, if we find ourselves in the unfortunate position of having to refer to you in conversation, then we should say they rather than he, as if there are two of you.’