‘Non-binary,’ mused George. ‘When you think about it, isn’t that a label in itself?’

‘No,’ said Wilkes. ‘On the contrary.’

‘Well, what is it, then?’

‘It’s a … it’s a term we use to express who we are.’

‘So, a label, then.’

‘No, it’s less labellic, you see.’

‘It can’t be, since labellic is not actually a word.’

‘Non-binary is like being gender fluid. It—’

‘I didn’t ask for synonyms. I asked whether it’s also a label.’

‘Well, perhaps,’ admitted Wilkes, sounding a little crestfallen, as if he’d been told that the Tooth Fairy didn’t exist just after he’d lost a particularly impressive molar. ‘But either way, it doesn’t have the societal or sociological implications that other phrases have.’

‘I don’t even know what that means,’ said George with a shrug. ‘I suspect it means nothing at all.’

‘Actually, I’ve read about this,’ said Beverley. ‘So, you’re saying that, from now on, if we find ourselves in the unfortunate position of having to refer to you in conversation, then we should say they rather than he, as if there are two of you.’

‘We’re not suggesting that there are two of us,’ said Wilkes.

‘Good,’ said George. ‘Because one is bad enough. Two would be insupportable.’

‘You don’t want to be labelled with a conventional pronoun that has been in common usage since the English tongue was first established,’ continued Beverley. ‘And so, instead, you’d like to be labelled with an equally conventional pronoun that has been in common usage since the English tongue was first established. Simply the pluralized version. That’s it, isn’t it?’

Wilkes frowned, the tiny mind in that vast Grand Canyon of a head scrambling to think of an answer. On the table, sensing that this conversation was going to continue for some time, Ustym Karmaliuk allowed his own head to retreat a little further into his shell, giving him the appearance of Anne Boleyn or King Charles I in their latter moments.

‘He’s changed his Twitter profile to they/their,’ said Elizabeth, who had been tapping away at her phone for the last minute or two.

‘They have,’ said Wilkes, correcting her.

‘What?’

‘You said, “He’s changed his Twitter profile.” You meant, “They’ve changed their Twitter profile.”’

‘Oh yes. Sorry.’

‘It’s fine. We totally forgive you. And we still appreciate you.’

‘And we appreciate you too. I mean, I do. I’m staying binary for the time being.’

‘I have a question,’ said Beverley. ‘What do you do when you’re in France?’

Wilkes stared at her, wondering why she was asking such a thing. ‘We don’t … we’re sorry, we don’t understand what you mean.’

‘Well, here in England, we employ just one form of the third person plural. They. But in France, of course, they employ two. Ils and elles, the former for men and the latter for women. So, what do you do when you’re in France? How do you define yourself there? Do you pretend that you’re two men or two women?’