‘So you are, then?’

‘No, I’m a paediatrician.’

‘I don’t know how anyone does that job,’ he said with a shudder. ‘Don’t you find them kind of disgusting? And smelly?’

‘Children?’

‘No, feet.’

‘What have feet got to do with anything?’

‘I thought you said you were a paediatrician. Isn’t that a foot doctor?’

‘No.’

‘Oh. Sorry, I’m not very good at this. It’s my first time.’

‘I can tell.’

‘Are you enjoying it so far?’

‘Well, it’s not been a great start. But Number 18 should be opposite me in a while and he’s drop-dead gorgeous.’

‘Oh, right,’ said Nelson, looking down the line, but there were too many heads bobbing back and forth for him to locate Number 18.

‘I’m not really enjoying it either,’ he said finally.

‘I suppose that’s my fault, is it? Fucking men.’

Nelson opened his mouth, then closed it again. He started to think about his quiet room at home and how nice it would be to be there right now, lying on his bed, listening to some music and reading the latest Hilary Mantel. ‘I didn’t mean that,’ he said.

‘My ex-husband, my first one, he always blamed me for everything too. He’d take me out to a restaurant and sit there, saying nothing, then blame me for the silence. He said I have no personality. That the only people I can talk to are children.’

‘He sounds quite unpleasant,’ said Nelson. ‘You were right to break up with him.’

‘I didn’t. He broke up with me. And, needless to say, he got married to someone ten years younger before the ink was even dry on the divorce papers. I suppose you’ll say that I was asking for it.’

‘I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort,’ said Nelson.

‘Pfft. Men always side with other men.’

‘I don’t.’

She sighed and looked away.

‘So are you going to ask for my number or what?’

‘I know your number,’ said Nelson, pointing towards her right breast. ‘You’re Number 16. A perfect square.’

‘My phone number.’

‘Oh. No, I don’t think so.’

She laughed bitterly. ‘See?’

‘Well, it’s just that we’ve only just started talking and—’

‘I could do a lot better than you anyway.’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Copper or not.’

‘I mean, if you want to give it to me—’

‘I don’t.’

‘All right, then.’

Fortunately, just as the perspiration began to break out on Nelson’s back, the bell rang and they all moved down a seat. Now Nelson was faced with Number 22, the man who’d been shouting at Alice when she was making her introductory remarks.

‘Don’t get any ideas, Romeo,’ he said immediately, holding up a hand. ‘I’m as straight as they come. I’ve had more women than you’ve had hot dinners.’

‘I am too,’ replied Nelson. ‘I’m here to meet a nice lady.’

‘Then you’ve come to the wrong place. I’ve got bigger tits than some of this lot,’ he added, looking around. ‘So we’ve got three minutes and nothing much to do. What do you want to talk about?’