Within the carriage or from his perch atop the horse, he’d seen the green and the hedgerows and the trees. He’d seen the land stretching out before him. He’d caught bits of acreage here and there and thought he could assemble all of it into a whole. But from up here, the massive estate spread out in all its glory as the waning sun bathed it in cooling twilight.

Perhaps it was because no servants were about or the waist-high height of the wall provided some protection from prying eyes, but without taking her gaze from the marvel before them, she threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. I love it here, she might as well have announced. See what I see and love it as well. I’ll bring your son up here and share this sight with him.

And he imagined her doing just that. Being kind and loving and introducing her child to a world that far eclipsed anything he could offer. It was unfair, to look from on high and to see unfolding before him all that his child would possess.

All it required of him were a few nights of being lost in mad, passionate lovemaking—not a hardship at all—

And then walking away, never, ever, to look back.

Because he’d come to realize what she had yet to understand: a life lived in shadows was no life at all.

Chapter 19

Dinner was decidedly more formal than luncheon. They took it in what she described as the small dining room, which meant the table sat only about a dozen people. She’d offered to let him borrow the duke’s dinner attire, but he wasn’t about to don anything that would remind her of her late husband, although he suspected being in residence did that well enough.

Conversation was stilted, sparse as though they both had other more pressing matters occupying their minds. Now and then, her lips moved as though she was contemplating the wisdom of forming the question and he knew precisely what it would be: Have you decided?

If she did dare ask it, he didn’t know if he’d voice the word out loud or merely shake his head. Because he didn’t bloody well know what the answer was.

When the ordeal of dinner was thankfully over, they walked out into the hallway, feet dragging, like mourners headed for the crypt. In a cavernous room where stairs led up to bedchambers, she stopped and faced him. Her lips parted—

“I don’t know yet,” he said quietly.

With a sigh that held both patience and understanding, she nodded. “I believe I shall retire. It’s been a long, taxing day, and we’ll depart early in the morning. Sleep well.”