“You know I’m not going to try to say anything dumb,” Ronny said.

Ben nodded, tightly, lips clamped together. “I couldn’t take it.”

“Can I put my head on the seat again? I just want to be close.”

When he nodded again the movement was small and quick. A moment of softness passed over his face. “That would be nice.”

As soon as he did, Ben settled an arm over him.

Down the road, Ben asked, “What am I going to do?”

“You think this is bad, don’t you?”

“I know it is. I can see it.”

There would be an ocean of sorrow in Ben now, if this were true. He would go wild.

“Is there anything I can say?” Ronny said. “Whatever you do, I’ll be here.”

Ben gripped Ronny tight; they said nothing. “I feel like such a shit I let her sit in that house like that. Thank God I did something right—” He stopped there, at that word. He would have said, “at the end.” In his mind, it had already happened.

That time Ronny thought it better not to contradict him, to let him pound on himself, knowing he would not accept anything else.

“We have to try to talk about stuff,” Ben said, that coiled quality to his voice making Ronny ache. “I don’t think we’re going to have a lot of time when we get to Turtletrack. Nina and Dad were taking Mom to the hospital, I expect we’ll find out she’s admitted when we get home.”

“It’s that bad, so fast?”

“It’s got to be pneumonia. The doctor said if we could hear her breathing hard to bring her in. We heard her last night but she wouldn’t go.”

“After we talked.”

“Yes.”

“I wish you’d called me back.”

“I started to. I just felt so wrecked. Then I got up this morning to come for you. I should have just come on last night. Mom was up and so was Dad and she was having to sit up to breathe.”

“I know you didn’t want to leave them—”

“Sure I did. I had to get you. Don’t start anything like that. We’re going to have a hard enough time.”

Ronny put his hand on Ben’s thigh. Ben reached for it with his own hand. “That’s how we started out,” Ben said. “Holding hands, kind of.”

“I remember that game. Acting like nothing was going on.” Ronny swallowed. “You’re not getting ready to tell me to go away, are you?”

“I knew you’d think that.”

“Sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut and waited.”

“No.” His voice was husky. “I am going to have to go away. I’m not going to be able to have you around right now.”

Ronny felt a sound come out of him, low. Ben held him in place and when he struggled held him harder. “Don’t make me smack you.”

“Let me up.”

“No. Listen. I don’t mean what you think, so listen. I’m just going to tell you what I want. I want you to stick with me as close as you can till this is done one way or the other. But if she dies, baby, I’m most likely to bolt. I don’t know what I’ll do. You can’t be around. Not when I’m like that. And I know it’s coming if she dies.” He drew a long breath and went on. “So that’s what I need to know. Can you stick with me as tight as you can till we know what’s going to happen, no matter what any fucker tells you, no matter who it is? And then can you let me run?”