“Okay, we get it,” Mom said. “Just maybe take it down a bit.”

“Why?” My insides were getting fizzier every second.

Dad leaned in close. “Because you’re yelling. In a restaurant.”

“I am not!” I never yell. I go silent. I walk away. I disappear. I don’t yell.

I looked around the table. Everyone was staring at me.

“I just meant,” Dad said in his don’t-scare-the-wildlife voice, “you’re on the show for fun. You should have fun. Jeanine shouldn’t take it so seriously.”

“Where have you been? You think I’ve been training, getting up at five in the morning, because it’s fun? I take it seriously, because it is serious!” I could hear myself now, how loud I was, but I couldn’t turn myself down. “And the truth is: I did choke today. And what I need is not to do it again. What I don’t need is for people to pretend I was great or that I deserve some kind of party!”

Before I knew it, I was on my feet, running through the restaurant to the bathroom and straight into a stall.

My whole body was vibrating. I had never yelled like that at my parents. Or anyone. Something inside me had broken, and everything had just rushed out.

I reached into the pocket of my jeans, pulled out a wrinkled square of paper, and unfolded it. Was this the closest I was ever going to get to the Donut Robot?

Even a little faded and torn, it still knocked me over. Ninety-six dozen doughnuts an hour! In my mind, I watched the hopper drop perfectly shaped doughnuts one after another into the oil, and the conveyor belt—

“Tris?” Josh’s sneakers appeared under the stall door.

“Hey.” This was embarrassing.

“You okay?”

“Uh-huh,” I said, but I didn’t open the door.

“You know, I get it. Why you… I get it.” He didn’t have to say more. Sometimes, I get it is all you need. Why did my parents not get that? My parents couldn’t even admit there was an it to get.

I opened the bathroom door.

“I tasted a lychee,” he said.

“Good, right?”

“Something about them kind of made me think of eyeballs, but once I got over that, yeah, I liked it.”

Suddenly, I had an idea. “Hey, have you ever had a Cronut?”

Chapter 17

When the alarm on my phone beeped the next morning, I quickly turned it off and climbed down from my bed, trying not to rock the bunk too much.

“Josh,” I whispered. “Get up.”

He opened one eye. “What time is it?”

“I thought you wanted to get Cronuts?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“It’s six.”

He turned away from me and put the pillow over his head.

I ripped it away. “Come on. Get dressed.”

Fifteen minutes later, we were zooming downtown on the 1 train.

Josh dropped into a seat, leaned his head back against the window, and closed his eyes. “Tell me again why I’m awake.”