Why couldn’t I have been with Phoenix, someone I could hate and who would hate me right back?

We followed Randy to our counter where someone was squatting in front of the shelves under it, checking things off on an iPad.

“This is Marco.” The man stood up, and I recognized him as the guy who’d interviewed me at the callback. “Marco is an assistant producer. His job is to… he helps keep the show exciting.” Randy’s face broke into a smile, a real one with teeth. “And we don’t know what we’d do without him.”

“Stop or you’ll make me tear up in front of the kids.” Marco gave Randy a one-armed hug. “So, who are the latest victims?”

Randy introduced Marco to everyone, then took us through the day’s filming schedule. Since Chef JJ shot the intro to the show separately, she and Dieter would jump right in with introducing us and then go straight into the first challenge.

“What else? What am I forgetting?” Randy flipped through papers on her clipboard. “Oh, right, interviews! Over the course of the show, we’ll be pulling you aside and interviewing you individually. Given the way the show works, sometimes the interviews happen after you’ve been cut. We know these can be hard, but we’ll try to make them fast so you can get out of here.”

Just then, the woman with the toothpaste commercial smile I remembered from the callback rushed onto the set and whispered something to Randy.

“Okay, everybody. This is it!” Randy called.

Seconds later, Chef JJ walked out of the camera lights onto the set.

For a moment, everyone, camerapeople unspooling cable, kids checking out their equipment, people adjusting lights, stopped what they were doing.

Chef JJ gave a round-the-room wave. She was wearing a leather vest over the whitest T-shirt I’d ever seen, so white and clean, it was like she was daring us to spill something on it.

“And we’re off.” Marco jogged to the front of the set. “All right, everybody excited?”

We all “yeah-ed.”

“That doesn’t sound very excited,” Marco said. “Let’s try that again. Everybody excited?” He cupped a hand over an ear.

We “yeah-ed” louder.

I felt like I was at a first-grade birthday party.

While Marco was pumping us up, three guys wearing enormous earphones and carrying long poles with microphones attached to the ends positioned themselves around the room, two on opposite ends of the set, and one next to Chef JJ.

“Thanks, Marco,” Chef JJ said. “Now I’m excited. You guys are going to rock this challenge. Just remember!” She pointed to the tattoo on her arm. “Never…”

“Give up!” we all shouted. Marco had done his job well.

“Hello, hello, hello!” sang Dieter as he walked out of the camera lights wearing a suit the color of Astroturf.

“Okay, guys, one last thing,” Randy called. “Marco will be running on and off set. Don’t worry. He gets edited out, but the cameras are always rolling. Take it away, Samara.”