“But it was as I was leaving the theatre in such a sweat that the absolute certainty came over me that I had to do something about myself. That is why I am here.”

“Yes, I see. I don’t think there can be any doubt that it was a wise decision. But in the letter from Dr Tschudi he said something about your having put yourself through what you called ‘the usual examination.’ What did you mean?”

“Ah—well. I’m a lawyer, as you know.”

“Yes. Was it some sort of legal examination, then?”

“I am a thorough man. I think you might say a whole-hearted man. I believe in the law.”

“And so—?”

“You know what the law is, I suppose? The procedures of law are much discussed, and people know about lawyers and courts and prisons and punishment and all that sort of thing, but that is just the apparatus through which the law works. And it works in the cause of justice. Now, justice is the constant and perpetual wish to render to everyone his due. Every law student has to learn that. A surprising number of them seem to forget it, but I have not forgotten it.”

“Yes, I see. But what is ‘the usual examination’?”

“Oh, it’s just a rather personal thing.”

“Of course, but clearly it is an important personal thing. I should like to hear about it.”

“It is hard to describe.”

“Is it so complex, then?”

“I wouldn’t say it was complex, but I find it rather embarrassing.”

“Why?”

“To someone else it would probably seem to be a kind of game.”

“A game you play by yourself?”

“You might call it that, but it misrepresents what I do and the consequences of what I do.”

“Then you must be sure I do not misunderstand. Is this game a kind of fantasy?”

“No, no; it is very serious.”

“All real fantasy is serious. Only faked fantasy is not serious. That is why it is so wrong to impose faked fantasy on children. I shall not laugh at your fantasy. I promise. Now—please tell me what ‘the usual examination’ is.”

“Very well, then. It’s a way I have of looking at what I have done, or might do, to see what it is worth. I imagine a court, you see, all perfectly real and correct in every detail. I am the Judge, on the Bench. And I am the prosecuting lawyer, who presents whatever it is in the worst possible light—but within the rules of pleading. That means I may not express a purely personal opinion about the rights or wrongs of the case. But I am also the defence lawyer, and I put the best case I can for whatever is under examination—but again I mayn’t be personal and load the pleading. I can even call myself into the witness-box and examine and cross-examine myself. And in the end Mr Justice Staunton must make up his mind and give a decision. And there is no appeal from that decision.”