“Silas was better,” Jamar said. “He just was. But in that particular game—our homecoming game—I was on fire. I’d scored three of our five touchdowns, but we were still trailing by four points with only twenty-three seconds left in the game. Twenty-three seconds to go, my football number. It was meant for me.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“Coach drew up a running play, but our quarterback bobbled the snap before he could get it to me. One of the linebackers for the other team recovered the ball, but then out of nowhere, Silas knocked it out of his hands, grabbed it, and ran it in for the game-winning touchdown.”

“But that’s…um…that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

Still holding on to her hand, he reached over and snagged another leaf that had been caught in the weathered railing.

“I guess it’s a good thing if you’re in it for the team and care about more than just yourself,” Jamar said. He studied the veins of the leaf. “The way I saw it, it was Silas showing me up yet again. I can still remember the celebration once time ran out. Everyone was chanting his name, and I just stood there, fucking hating him.”

The words felt like razor blades coming out of his mouth, but he’d held on to this truth for too long. Now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop.

“Some people are born natural athletes, and some have to bust their asses to get up to that level. That’s how it was for me and Silas. I’m not saying he didn’t work hard, because he did. But there was just something about him that made his game look effortless. I resented that I had to work so much harder, and yet I still didn’t measure up.” He swallowed. “And that night, when I’d finally had the chance to stand out, once again Silas swooped in and stole all my fire.”

“You were in high school,” Taylor said. “Kids are like that in high school. You’re selfish and stupid and it’s totally understandable, Jamar. But I still don’t get why you think Silas is dead because of you.”

“Because it is because of me,” he said.

Jamar scrubbed a hand down his face, wishing he could scrub away the last ten minutes. Why hadn’t he listened to his gut and kept his mouth closed? Why didn’t he consider how Taylor would view him after she learned the truth about him?

But it was too late to take it back. If he didn’t follow through, he risked her jumping to her own awful conclusions. Although Jamar couldn’t think of anything worse than the truth.