With my hand on the door, I stand, frozen. Through the glass, I watch as she laughs and dances and jumps, and my heart is full. I’m full of happiness, not just for what happened upstairs, but to see her this happy.

And then I see them fall together. He wraps his arms around her, and then, as if in slow motion, they kiss.

It feels like my heart is falling out of my body. I want to look away, but I can’t.

She leans back and looks at him, smiling the way she does in my dreams.

I won’t say I’m watching my life shatter to pieces, although it feels a bit like that at the moment. I know my life is more than this girl.

She might have a laugh that sounds like summer. And maybe it’s true that an epic night of partying would pale in comparison to a night spent coding on the couch next to her. That she is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, and the one I think of when I look at the stars at night.

But there is more than that to my life. I was all right before I met her, and I will be all right again, soon enough.

It’s not that I think I need her, or whatever bullshit people say. It’s just... For a while, I thought we might have been onto something great. I’d started to think of all the places we could go together—I’d hear about a new restaurant opening, or a cool campsite a few hours away that was supposed to be beautiful, and I’d think that, one day, we might go there. She could wear that new dress she was excited about, and we could try foods I didn’t know existed before. We could hike until we were exhausted and then cuddle by a campfire. And she would be my best friend, and maybe more.

And maybe, one day, there would be mornings I would wake up next to her, and even though I had coffee to make and classes to get to, I would have five minutes of paradise as I held her and watched her sleep, her head resting on my shoulder.

I know there are ways that I can have a great life without her. I just thought it would be nice to share a life with her, at least for a little while. And although I might not be sad forever that we aren’t together, I might be missing out on an unparalleled sort of happiness, one I couldn’t even fully feel or even understand, without her.

I push the door open, and they step apart. Sara adjusts her blouse and turns, smiling at me. It’s different than before though.