“I was just thinking about that first party we went to, and how nervous you were, trying to order and everything. Look at you now.” I gesture in her direction. “You have a whole backstory. You, Sara Jones, a fifth year. I would never have seen that coming.”

She snorts but a smile plays on the edge of her lips. “My name is Lauren.”

Over by the bar, Natalie pushes the tap back into place and loads two full pints onto her tray.

“Shhh shhh,” Sara says, although I wasn’t saying anything. “She’s coming. Don’t talk about it anymore.” She transitions from a full panic mode to a gracious smile as Natalie slides up to the table with our drinks.

The opening bars of a song I used to really love and forgot about starts to play in the background as I take the first sip of my beer and Sara asks me another small-talk question.

There are two empties, one half-full beer, a half-eaten bowl of pretzels and one napkin ripped to shreds in front of Sara when she says, “Do you think there is a point to heartbreak?”

She doesn’t look away. Her hands are still fiddling with napkin bits, but she looks me in the eye as she asks a question that most people would step around, even with those who know them best.

“What do you mean?”

“Like everyone says everything happens for a reason and you learn about yourself and all that. But it seems so scary. To give so much of yourself away.”

She looks down at her half-empty beer.

“Even just dating Braden for a few months, I could feel myself becoming more like him.” She shakes her head. “I hate feeling like who I am is being muddled by getting involved with someone if they aren’t it, you know?”

I consider this. “I think that if you love someone, you probably like the things that make them them, you know? Like their little quirks and sayings as well as the way they look at the world and live their lives. There’s a reason you’re drawn to their spirit, right?” I swallow and look at my hands. I’m trying to keep the vision in my mind a generic one. To not think of her, and the way she gets over-the-top excited about color coding or her inexhaustible energy or even just her smile as I say these things.