She tried to fight the voice; that was not the reason why she had chosen to have sex with him in this position. The voice laughed aloud – old woman’s cackle. It was not why she led him to this spot. He pumped into her, making her moan. She wanted to drown out the old woman’s voice with her moans and his grunting. It was true that she had pored over these babymaking articles for hours, but was this old woman her own self? Her own soul?

She shivered in distress. The old woman breathed into her ear.

‘This is a version well suited to women who have a tipped uterus.’ She kneeled on her fours as Harsh continued penetration from behind. The raucous voice came in her left ear, ‘Like the union of the wolf, this position allows the sperm to better access the cervix.’ She moaned louder, wanting to shut it out completely.

‘The woman sits on the edge of a high piece of furniture and supports herself with her arms behind her. He stands in front while she wraps her legs around him’. She could see a gnarled face, a wide toothless smile, a gluttonous gaze. She shut her eyes. She continued in the same position. The old lady was above his shoulder now, moving with the thumping as Harsh pumped on.

Gleefully she added ‘If you were hoping for a boy, you would allow deep penetration in this position. Since you are hoping for a girl though, you will be charged with maintaining shallow penetration during sex. It’s generally thought that positions where the man is standing up helps to conceive a boy!’ Upasana could feel it was time. She disengaged the last minute, surprising him and herself. The old woman cackled again. Was she playing a game? She leaned against the wall with her legs slightly spread, facing Harsh. She was in control and she knew he was not. He grabbed her from the thighs and lifted her up, pushing her back into the wall, then thrusting away till he cried his release.’

It was done. The cold fingers loosened their grip from her heart. The old woman disappeared from the window behind the pale pink curtains.

Upasana’s heart sang after the coupling, she had what she wanted. She knew she was pregnant. As she woke up with a yawn and stretched herself on the satin sheets she saw him sitting on the couch, all dressed, his suitcase placed next to him. Without him uttering a word Upasana knew he was going to leave her. The recent turn of events clamoured in her brain. Rajjo was dead. The news was doing the rounds already. The video of her self-immolation had been circulated far and wide and debated on every news channel until there was nothing more to be said.

The only logical end and conclusion was ashes to ashes.