‘I thought of you and us for months. I got to know about the calls you made but it was too late. And then you emerged as a Godwoman. Unreal. Unapproachable. Nothing like the girl I met and shared something with in the past. I wanted to protect that and did not reach out to the Godwoman till I finally gave in to destiny and met you again.’

‘You know many old people come and stay in Benaras preparing for their final departure. Many places here are sort of retirement homes, for old people to reserve their seat in heaven – they say it’s guaranteed if you die here.’ She laughed and looked at Harsh who was staring at her with uncloaked passion and yearning. He was waiting for an answer.

‘I want to leave, but I cannot. I am unable to leave this place, Rajjo.’ There was admission in his voice. His vulnerability was taking her breath away, it was making her choke. She wanted him to be arrogant and dismissive.

‘It’s strange that death is part of a daily routine in this place…,’ she heard herself say, not ready yet to face her desire.

There was immense sadness in his voice as he looked at her.

The water lulled her senses. She wanted to drown in the belly of the river, she did not want to send him away, but her choice was made.

‘Perhaps it’s the place. It feels I will have the most beautiful death if I was to die right here next to you.’

Rajjo turned away. She could smell the wilted rose again, it was overtaking her senses and she shut her eyes to run away from it all.

‘But if you look beyond death, here is still a place of hope and colour.’ She heard him say.

Rajjo turned to him and stared him in the eye as she asked him, ‘What are you looking for here?’

‘Finding myself…’ There was a long silence and then she heard him say, ‘I am leaving.’

The boat ride was almost over.

‘When do you leave?’ she whispered.

‘In an hour from now,’ he whispered back.

The last lap was covered in silence.

Rajjo stood on the terrace of the hotel and looked at the old city below. She could see the cremation workers and boatmen busy carrying bodies to and fro. The business of death flourished here. There was a silence in her soul. Harsh had left an hour ago. The evening arti was about to start soon but Rajjo did not have the heart to go to the ghats today, so she chose this quiet and secluded place to nurse her wounds. She was angry at Harsh for leaving. She was incomplete. She was restless.

She focused her attention on the bustling activity below.