So now you know, my darling girl, my Lolly. You know everything. My confession. My sins.

And if you’re reading this, if you’ve found this, along with the evidence of the man I ran from, then I fear it means something bad has happened to me.

Because, you see, I no longer trust the woman I love. I found out tonight that she’d manipulated and lied to me in the worst way, and I think she has throughout our relationship. She said she loved me and, in her own twisted way, I think she does. And I have no doubt that she loves you. But tonight she has sunk to a new low. I fear that nobody walks away from Daphne Hartall with their life.

I’m writing this next to your bed as you sleep, your toadstool night-light glowing in the darkness, your eyelids flickering as you dream. I don’t want to leave you, my precious daughter. The thought of being without you hurts so much. And I never would willingly be apart from you, please know that.

Just now, after the fireworks, I thought Victor had found me. But I was wrong. When I felt brave enough to look again out of your bedroom window, I saw that the man on my lawn wasn’t Victor at all. I recognized him from the fireworks display. It was Sean. And in that moment it hit me what a fool I’d been to trust her. He resembled Victor from afar, as Daphne no doubt knew. And I suspect Daphne had told him to stand there to frighten me, to make me think Victor had found me. I think she also sent him to Melissa’s café, knowing Melissa would tell me someone was looking for me. Maybe she wanted my fear to bring us closer together, to push me into moving to the city with her. I think she knew I was having doubts about her. That I was on the verge of telling her to leave.

And I am – as they say – between a rock and a hard place. Because to involve the police would mean I’d be arrested for the murder of Neil Lewisham and you’d be taken away from me. So I have decided to stay and fight.

And if it goes wrong, if I don’t win that fight, I want you to know how much I love you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I really have tried to be the best mother I could be. To keep you safe. I’ve made some stupid decisions. But I’m not a bad person, please believe me.

Be strong, my darling, my girl. You are not a product of me or Victor. You are your own person. Be the woman I wish I could have been, my beautiful Lolly.

All my love, for ever,

Mummy x

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