“Oh Robyn, that must have been so tough.”

Christy’s warmth made it easier to continue the story.

“It was bad for me, but it was much worse for Elizabeth. She used to go through the house trying to find the alcohol. Our mother stashed it everywhere, but Elizabeth found it and poured it away. The more chaotic our home life was, the more Elizabeth tried to organize and control it. We were often late for school because our mother was usually asleep in the morning and waking her up was difficult. When she did wake up on time, Elizabeth often hid the car keys because she didn’t want her driving us drunk. We usually ended up walking to school, even though we were far too young to be doing that. Elizabeth was grimly determined to bring order to our lives.”

Christy listened carefully. “She never told me any of this.”

“She wanted to block it out. She didn’t want to remember it, because what was the point?”

“But you were close.” Christy sounded distressed. “There was a time when you were close. I had no idea.”

Robyn put her cup down. “We were inseparable. Despite everything, I have plenty of happy memories from my childhood, but all of them have Elizabeth in them. Birthdays. Christmas. All of them would have been terrible if it hadn’t been for Elizabeth. She managed to create a world within a world. She kept the bad stuff at bay.” Robyn thought of the photos she’d tucked away in a box and hadn’t looked at for years. Maybe she should dig them out. Christy might like to see them.

“So if you were close, what happened to change that?”

“Elizabeth left home. She went to college.”

“And you were left alone.”

“Yes. And I was so mad at her.” Robyn was embarrassed to admit it. “Wrong of me, I know, but I felt abandoned. It coincided with a bad time for me at school, and I had no constant in my life. Without Elizabeth creating order from the chaos, there was no order. I couldn’t do what she did. Looking back on it, I think I was missing her so much that I was grieving. But at the time I didn’t see that. I felt angry the whole time.” It had taken her years to forgive herself for that.

“It must have been terrible for you.” Christy reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “You were a child. You lost the one person who made you feel safe. And every child deserves to feel safe.”

“But that wasn’t Elizabeth’s job, of course. I’ve often wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t done so well covering up our situation. If she hadn’t fed us and got us to school on time. If she hadn’t helped me with homework and made sure I went to bed at a reasonable hour. She made it possible for us to stay as a family, even though it was a dysfunctional one. If she hadn’t done that, social services would have been involved. And maybe that would have been better. Or worse. Who knows.” She’d often wondered about it, before she’d learned that it was best to accept the past rather than imagine alternative scenarios. What did that achieve?