Christy was crying, too, now, tortured by guilt and furious with herself for not understanding how Alix had felt. For not seeing it from her point of view.

Think about that, Christy.

Well, she was thinking about it now. For the first time. And she felt as if her heart had been torn open. How could she not have seen that? How could she have been so oblivious? She’d been so wrapped up in her own new adventure, her own happiness, Seb, that it had never occurred to her to consider how Alix felt.

“I didn’t know... I didn’t think...” She was freezing cold. Literally freezing. “I shouldn’t have said any of those things. Oh Alix—” How would they recover from this? “—you know I’m not good at talking about difficult things. Saying what’s on my mind.”

Alix took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye.

“I’d say you did just fine,” she said and turned and walked away.

17

Alix

Alix stumbled in the deep snow, but kept walking. She felt physically wounded, even though all the hurt was on the inside.

Five years? Christy had been bottling that up for five years?

Why hadn’t Christy said something before now? Alix was driven by fury, most of it directed at herself. She should have forced the conversation. The fact that it had only recently dawned on her was yet more evidence that she was terrible at relationships.

Christy had made her sound so selfish and narrow-minded, when Alix had been trying to protect her. Why couldn’t Christy see that? Why couldn’t she see how much Alix loved her? Why hadn’t it occurred to her how hard this had been for Alix?

She thought about the two of them as children, giggling as they dressed up and did each other’s hair, covered themselves in mud as they built a tree house in the garden. She thought about the box they’d buried, which they’d dubbed their friendship capsule, full of things they loved. She thought about their conversations about boys, and jobs, and life, and what they wanted.

The only thing they’d never talked about was the possibility that their friendship would change. Neither of them had entertained the idea. But the more she thought about it now, the more she understood how inevitable that had always been.

All this time she’d thought they had a great friendship, and in fact Christy had been bottling resentment. But worse than Christy’s resentment was the fact that she hadn’t once tried to see things from Alix’s point of view.

She pressed her hand to her chest and rubbed.

She felt as if Christy had stuck a knife through her ribs.

Fine, she told herself fiercely. Painful as it was, it proved she was better off by herself. She wasn’t good at relationships, and that was the end of it. It didn’t even matter. Who needed them, anyway? All they brought was pain and misery. You did your best, gave your all, and all you got in return for caring was the emotional equivalent of a slap in the face. Relationships were complicated and hard work, and frankly she didn’t need that.