But the fast swimmer with stamina they needed never made it and they decided to adopt. I say that in one sentence, but it took them a decade to come to this point. A decade of expectations and tears and loss and tens of thousands of dollars. Then another few years to realize that the wait in the U.S. was five years and the wait in China shorter. A week before she left for China, Laurie showed me a photo of the baby with chubby cheeks and hair that stood straight up in every direction.

“I love her already,” Laurie said, touching the picture as her eyes filled with a mixture of hope but also sorrow that she wouldn’t be giving birth to her own daughter. There was a tentative tap of her finger on the picture. She closed her eyes and whispered, “I hope this’ll be okay.”

Sky and I had already crept through the death of her baby. I wondered if someday Sky would be where Laurie was. Would I anticipate a grandchild not born of my daughter?

“I mean, having children is hard enough even when you have a sense of where they’re coming from. From you. From your man. That’s still scary. But, well, this.” Her words trailed off as she bent her head down.

“It’s a leap into the unknown.”

Love grows from bonds, not biology. But I think the biological connection eases an immediate understanding of temperament and personality. Preferences, interests, and even penchants for colors and foods and hobbies are partly determined by genes. Characteristics we assume are learned when we believed personality was formed by nurture are in fact influenced by biology.

Take the ability to experience awe. Awe. Who would have thought that was biological? Who would have thought that a painting or a sunset or hearing beautiful music didn’t transport everyone? Yet 35 percent of people never know that emotion. Allie told me that. She read it in a book on the biological basis for personality. She was as startled by that information as I was. As I felt overwhelmed by awe staring into Olivia’s infinity eyes, I pondered these questions, pondered for Laurie and Olivia, and Sky and me. Preparing myself for whatever future I had in store. Mentally preparing myself for supporting Sky through the adoption of a baby, if the news about this pregnancy was sad.

“Yes. Scary sometimes. I hope I can love her enough.”

“That bond, that rush of maternal love comes from caring.” I knew that. Look how I loved Luke. “You’re ready.”

We both stared into Olivia’s eyes. “It’s always exciting and scary, both.” I wanted her to understand that she was like any other mother. A different way of beginning, but for all intents and purposes, the love and fear is the same.

I didn’t know if I was just telling us both a fairy story.