I wonder if the wayward cells that swamped his blood and killed him were growing even then. I wonder. Reproducing as he asked me to marry him and made love to me and we created Sky. Creeping through his veins as he passed his test for a contractor’s license and laughed and sang to Sky when she took four teetering steps toward him.

I learned not to assume anything. I learned to fill my life up and try to live every moment. And I also learned that anyone could vanish at any time. And thought that love was useless if it wasn’t forever and knew that nothing is forever except your children. And your girlfriends. See. Tracy is still in my life. And Juliet.

MY EYES FILL at the remembrance of Alex’s death, even now, more than a quarter of a century later, as I carry Tracy’s cookies toward my living room. I touch my cell phone, still quiet. Check my watch. Now 10:15. I stop in the hall and tell myself, Face it. They know by now. Sky is probably crying in Troy’s arms and delaying dialing me until the party is over. Sorrow washes over me, sorrow for her, sorrow for Alex. I wondered, wondered since the first time Sky got pregnant, if her baby would have his gray eyes.

But that night, that fall night with the fruit still on the vine, Tracy danced with Silver and I danced with Alex. Alex saw them and said, “He’s married.”

Then Tracy came to me, eyes shining, mouth wet with Silver’s kisses. “I’m going home with him.” She held my hands when she said it. “With him.” The m vibrated between her lips and dangled in the air. Tracy smelled of musk and now lemon, which came from Silver.

“He’s married.”

“He told me.”

She winked at me, that just-between-us-girls wink, that I’m-just-so-fucking-happy wink. “I’ll be okay. I know it.” She squeezed my hands. Her palms were moist and her pupils expanded so that her eyes looked black.

“Call me tomorrow.”

“I promise.”

It doesn’t usually start like that. A zipless fuck that turns into a forever. Maybe it’s our greatest fantasy. Sex so fabulous that everything falls into place and everyone else is immediately cast away. Suddenly, life is laid out in a straightforward path. Simple and clear and certain. You know just what you’re going to do and why.