And and and I thought—

I thought that he meant

“What a shame the boy died,” and I thought,

“Yes, what a shame that boy died,”

but the missionary, he meant,

“What a shame, I didn’t save this boy for Christ,

what a shame I didn’t convert him into a Christian,

what a shame he went to Hell.”

The missionary said, “We need help.”

He said, “We need money

to save these souls,

we need people,

an’ we need your prayers

to save these souls,

because without that,

they all go to Hell.”

This boy, by all accounts,

was a good boy.

And yet, he went to Hell.

And what do we say, we say,

“Amen.”

And all the pastors at the conference say—they said,

“Amen.”

And here I am, thinking about this image,

that boy,

the body on fire,

and the thought of him

going from one fire

into another.

I went back to my hotel room that night.

I sat on the toilet, and I cried.

Convulsively.

I cried.

I said,

“God, I don’t understand.”

And he said, “That’s not your problem.”

And I said,

“Well it kinda is.”

And he said, “Why?”

And I said, “Because I’m a pastor.”

And he said, “Oh you’re a pastor, what does that mean?”

And he said,

“No,

no, it’s not your problem because

you haven’t made it your problem,

you haven’t gone over there and done anything,
you’re just sittin’ on the toilet.”

And I said, “You’re right. I am. Just sittin’ on the toilet.”

And he said, “What are you gonna do?”

And I said, “Well after I’m done here on the toilet,
I’m gonna brush my teeth,
and then I’ll go to bed.”

And he said, “Why.”

And I said—I said …

And he said,

“Why.”

And I said, “Because you have already done so much.”

And he said,

“Exactly.”

And he said that he’s saved us, he’s taken care of us,

he said, “Why don’t you listen when I tell you that?”

And he said, “You think the Devil is a little man with horns.”

He said, “You think that?”

An’ I said, “I don’t know.”

An’ he said, “You really think that?

Do you really really really think that?”

And I said, “No,

not really.”

And he said,

“There is no little man.

There is only you

and your fellow man.

You wanna see Satan—?

there’s your Satan.

You wanna see Hell,

you look around.”

And he said, “There is no Hell.

And there is no reason to tell people

that they’re going to Hell.

Because they are in Hell.

They are already there.

You gotta take them out of the Hell they’re already in.

That boy,” the Lord tells me—he says,

“That boy, he is standing next to me right now.

And anyone who tells you otherwise

lies.”

I know