When Polly started to wake, she clung to what she saw, because it was so much better than thinking of Ariel. Downstairs, she studied their two Rita paintings as if she might find the faces there, but the paintings showed what they’d always shown: origami-like birds and a portrait of two children. The couple had never been painted, and now they disappeared again. The dream was a dream.

A list for a difficult day:

lessons

everything for memorial done by 2:00

party: chairs, tables, forecast before tablecloths or bouquets

photo boards—enlarge or give up? Sic Drake on Maude

Sam family tree

At the pool, the children practiced jumping from the edge.

“I’ve picked some passages for the memorial,” said Connie. “I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to read them myself. I might have to ask someone else to do it.”

“That’s nothing I would be good at,” said Polly, drying Helen off.

“No, I want you to read them now.” Connie pointed to her backpack on the far side of the pool, a girly shade of purple. “Main pocket,” she said.

Polly walked over and unzipped the pocket. She looked down at a switchblade, a can of mace, and a can of antiperspirant, and unfolded a sheet of white ruled paper. At the top, in irregular spiky handwriting:

Everyone who knew Ari trusted her. She made people feel safe and happy, and we all assumed we would have her around forever.

Connie had scratched out to take care of us at the end of the last sentence.

I know it is harder for her family, but she was my friend from daycare on, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I understand this takes time. I have in the meantime reminded myself to abide by His teachings.

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.”

“What do you think?” said Connie. “Will everyone freak out?”

Yes, thought Polly. She would try to gaze off into the clouds for this part of the memorial. “Forgive him for what?”

Connie stopped acting as if it were a game. “For whatever he did. It’s his fault.”

“What are you trying to accomplish? Do you want to be forgiven for what you want to do to him?”

“I would never,” said Connie. “It’s just that it’s on my mind, and I’m supposed to talk about what’s on my mind.”

“I think you’re supposed to talk about anything that will help the family, and anything that’s true and good to say about Ariel.”

Connie’s face was stiff.

“I’m sorry,” said Polly, “but I think the last thing you want to talk about is who might be at fault.”