She nods, shoots another. “Yup. He’s giving me the house, my car, and fifty percent of our financial assets, either cashed out or transferred to me through some banker mumbo jumbo I don’t give a shit about. All he’s asking is avoiding court, squabbling over bullshit. And I’m fine with that.”

“No, you’re not.”

She laughs bitterly. “No, I’m not. But I don’t have the heart to fight. He’s been miserable for years. I thought it was me. I’ve tried everything, Nads. I pulled back my hours so I could be home more, but he increased his, started these trips. I moved my yoga area in the basement up here so he could have a man-cave…he never uses it and isn’t home to use it anyway. I…I spent a thousand dollars on lingerie, went on this whole spice-up-the-bedroom campaign. Started blowing him the moment he walked in the door, cooking in lingerie. Surprising him in the shower, everything I could think of. He’d let me do shit for him, but then blew me off as soon he got off. Nothing was enough.”

“Tess, come on. You know this is on him.”

“Damn right it’s on him. But it makes you wonder—what’s wrong with me, you know?”

“Can I just say fuck him for telling you via email?” My voice goes shrill with rage. “Fucking email? What a pussy.”

She glares at me. “No, don’t you dare denigrate the sacred pussy that way. Pussies are strong. Powerful. Mysterious, sexy. We have babies with our pussies. He’s a limp cock—funny-looking and dangly and useless.”

I nod. “Truth, babe, truth.”

“He’s a limp dick,” she repeats. “Good riddance.” Another shot. “I’m not sad. I’m angry. But I also think I knew. His business trips suddenly went from a couple days to a week max to a week, two weeks, and from one every couple months to at least one a month. I think half that time has been actual business, and the rest is vacation and dicking his assistant or whoever this bitch is.”

“I’m sorry, Tess. You deserve better.”

She huffs, squaring her shoulders. “I’m not going to wallow. I’m signing his stupid papers, taking my maiden name back, and going on the warpath.”

“Warpath?”

“Against men.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I started dating Clint in high school. I went to college to be near him. Chose a job that would enable his career. Worked from home to take care of Yvette.” Their daughter, now eighteen and going to college—Tess is a few years older than me, and they had Yvette young. She pours a shot but this one she hands to me. “I know, I know, you have to work tomorrow. Just do a couple shots with me, Nads. Please.”