He nods. “Oh yeah. More so when I’m doing something for fun. Whittling gets me like that, as opposed to, like, building a chair or a bookshelf or a set. That’s work. Whittling an owl or something, that’s when I get what you’re talking about.”

“For her, writing was the other kind of concentration. A skill, you know?”

He nods. “Yep.”

“That’s what got me. Her ability to truly focus. It’s sexy.”

He rubs the back of his head. “Never heard anyone say concentration is sexy, but I get what you mean.”

“Last day of class, last assignment I handed back to her, I put my number on it. Two days later, she called, and we went out. And I discovered that she’s quick-witted, that she was demanding, but always more demanding of herself than anyone else. I discovered that she hates downtime, hates being idle. Hates being bored. Hates waiting. Which is why her ability to focus so totally is sexy, because her nature is the opposite. It’s a sign of a strong mind.”

“Lisa was crazy smart,” Nathan says. “She went to MIT, but she was so ahead, so smart that a tech company here in Atlanta hired her before she even graduated. She could do shit with computers that’s just magical. Like that cello guy, Yo-Yo Ma. She was like that, but with computers.”

“Smart is sexy.”

He nods. “Sure is.”

I eye him. “Nathan, do you think maybe you can’t move on because you don’t really want to, deep down?”

He doesn’t answer for a long, long time. “Fuck.” His glass is long empty, and he’s just twirling it on a bottom edge. “Yeah, you may be right.”

“I just—”

“I’m lonely, dude. Go home alone every night, sleep alone, wake up alone…it sucks. After nine years of going to sleep next to her and waking up next to her, being lonely just fuckin’…sucks. So part of me really does want to move on. Find someone. But…I don’t know how. How do you explain yourself to someone new? There’s so much in here,” he taps his forehead, “and here,” his chest, “and I just…I don’t know how to go about showing it to anyone. She just got me. Lisa, I mean. We had years together to figure it out. We were young. It was easy. Feels different now. I feel…heavy, inside.”

“Would you? If the right person came along…would you?”

“Try?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I would. I really would. I’d fuck it up, probably, but I’d go for it. I guess deep down, I know Lisa would want me to. I guess part of me wants her permission, and I don’t know how to reconcile that.”