I won’t have to. That’s the problem. I know, I know, there’s still a chance I’ll make it through this. The experimental chemo might work. I’ve been loathe to try radiation. Surgery’s out. But in my heart of hearts, deep down, I’m absolutely terrified because I don’t think I am going to make it through this.

And it’ll be Nadia sitting here, having this conversation with someone.

That’s when it hits me.

An idea, or rather the completion of the idea I had earlier.

I can help her.

No one knows Nadia better than me, not even her. I know how she’ll react—and predicting human behavior is what I do. It’s part of the magic trick of inventing people. I can help her, when I’m gone. But in order to do that, I have to start now.

“Tell me about your wife,” he says, apropos of nothing. “Nadine?”

“Nadia.”

We tended to stick to whiskey and westerns, old girlfriends, epic party stories. Macho bro-y stuff.

“Sorry, I knew that. I’m a little drunk.”

“It’s cool.” I sigh. Here’s a topic I can wax poetic about endlessly. “What do you want to know?”

“Whatever.” A pause, ice tinkling as he swirls it in the dregs. “What made you fall in love with her?”

“Oh, man.” I laugh, scrape a hand through my hair—wince when my hand comes away with loose hair stuck to it. Fucking chemo. “Honest answer? Her ass.”

He chortles. “You fell in love with her ass.”

“Yup.” I’m tipsy enough that truth is easy, too easy. “She’s tall, man. Five-nine, almost five-ten. Slender. Not skinny, just slender. Tits are a handful, just barely. I like it that way. But her ass, man.”

He shakes his head. “Lisa was like that. Similar build. Got me every time she turned around. Like damn, would you look at that ass?”

I laugh, nod. “Exactly. Serious, though, that’s what I first noticed about her. I was in the English program, she was in nursing school, taking a creative writing course I was the TA for. Taking it just for kicks, ’cause she likes a challenge.” I let my mind float backward in time. “She wasn’t a great writer. Shit at spelling, like to the point where it was comical. But what caught my attention was her focus. She would be at her desk writing, and her concentration was just total. But…god, how do I put it? It’s different than when you love something and get lost in it. That’s easy, right? For you, when you’re in the workshop building something, you get in the zone, right?”