Snort! Wuuuh!“I haven’t eaten anything larger than a rat for three days!” It noisily licked its teeth.

“Well,” Roscoe snapped, “from the look of it, you could go a couple more days!”

Clementine gasped. “Did you hit your head when you fainted?!”

Snort! Wuuuh!“You will take turns coming to me so I can eat you, or I will come to you.” SNORT! WUUUUH! “Decide who will be first, but I want human last!”

Benjamin pulled out a roman candle, which looked puny compared to the boar.

“Sire,” Paco said, “I don’t believe fire will work on this monster.”

Roscoe jabbed Clementine in his side. “Can’t you talk sense into your cousin?”

“That thing is not my cousin!”

“Well, the resemblance is uncanny! Are you sure–”

“Goat, that’s rich coming from someone whose relatives spend every minute going ‘Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!’” He mimicked the goats and hopped around in circles.

Roscoe and Clementine had forgotten the boar, they were so busy arguing.

“You’re just plain being stupid–like a pig!”

SNORT! WUUUUUUUUUUH!

“You guys, I think it’s best to stop fighting,” Benjamin said nervously.

They didn’t hear. Clementine put his face up to Roscoe’s. “Stupid?! Stupid?! This from a dim-witted, slit-eyed goat who faints at the sight of a fly and drinks his own pee!”

Now we’re dead! Benjamin thought.

SNORT! WUUUUUUH! The boar fumed. Its legs twitched, ready to leap forward.

Roscoe’s eyes bulged. “Well…at least my parents didn’t name their son Clementine!!!”

Benjamin and Paco froze. They knew at any moment the huge boar would attack. The goat and the pig stared each other down. Then the snorting and breathing suddenly stopped. The wild boar stood still. Not even its blood-shot eyes were moving.

Snort! Huh…snort! Wuuuh! The pig and goat looked at the boar, then at each other. Its belly twitched in quick convulsions. Snort huh, huh wuuh! Snort! The boar wheezed and its head jerked back. Snort! Wuuuh! “Clementine?” the boar said. The pig gulped. Snort! “Your name is Clementine?… and you’re a boy?!”

Benjamin’s heart raced in his chest as the monster lowered its head. “Snort! Wuuuuuuh ha, ha wuuuh ha, ha! Snort! Ha, ha!” Its belly rolled and shook like a small earthquake. “Snort! Snort! Wuuuh ha, ha, ha!” Its massive head gyrated and its tongue slid in and out of its mouth. Then boom! The beast fell on its thick side and the ground shook. It lay frozen. The slimy red tongue slid out of its mouth and touched the ground.

“Is…is it dead?” Benjamin looked like he’d seen a ghost. Paco bravely approached the massive head and listened. “It’s not breathing!”

Clementine ran past Paco and leaped onto the monster’s body. He cockily stuck out his fat chest. “And that, my friends, is how you slay a giant boar!”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The Fireside Chat