Of course. That’s what I deserve from my time on earth—to be let go and forgotten, for it wasn’t a life. What wouldn’t I give not to have hesitated when I ought to have jumped, not to have run away when I ought to have stayed, not to have remained silent when I ought to have spoken out! Part of me is aghast at myself.

I traipse slowly back to the small blue boat. My father stands motionless on the shore of the island, arms dangling by his sides, a boundless sadness in his wide, calm sea face. “Henri! It’s not so easy to get back. You’ll get lost in the middle. In the middle of everything, do you understand?”

I don’t know what he means by “in the middle of everything.” I can’t feel the sand under my feet; I can no longer feel anything. Even as I’m pushing the boat out into the sea, it feels as if I’m not pushing it with the force of my muscles, but that it’s being moved by my will alone.

My father slumps onto the sand, his eyes fixed on me. He wrings his hands.

I climb uncertainly into the boat and take up the oars. The sea tries to knock them from my hands, so I clutch them more tightly. “Watch out! Don’t leave the boat, and avoid the storms!” my father calls after me. “And if you fall into the water and night comes . . .”

I’m no longer listening to what he says because the sea of the dying has caught hold of the boat and is pushing it away from the shore fast. I lean on the oars. They tremble, they resist, but they obey my command as I pull them hard, again and again, through the frothing, rolling waves.

I don’t know whom I should beseech to let me come back, even if it’s only to open my eyes and look at Eddie, whose face is the last thing I want to gaze upon in life before I close my eyes forever. Sam too, to tell him that I was on my way; I was on my way.

The island with the open door is already slipping below the shimmering blue horizon. I scan the sea and glimpse a number of granite reefs jagging up out of the waves like dark claws. I think I can see a hunched figure on one of the many scattered rocks, a whale-shaped islet. It seems to be a girl with long blond hair, who’s merely sitting there, gazing out to sea.

“Hello!” I cry.

The girl doesn’t so much as glance around.