I felt caught in a trap of my own making, my mind desperately searching for a way out and not finding one. This was the reality I’d wrought, and no wishing would change that. “Please.” It was the only thing I could think to say.

When Lin looked at me, I wondered if it was the same way she’d looked at Shiyen when she’d finally confronted him. Her brows low, her face an icy mask. She’d shut herself away from me, and somehow that hurt worse than her accusatory words. “Get out,” she said. “Leave Gaelung before I change my mind and have you executed.”

Mephi let out a whimper, creeping to my side, his brown eyes wide. “Not good,” he whispered. Even the feel of his fur between my fingertips didn’t soothe me. I couldn’t be thankful for such mercy. “The battle – you can’t do this with just the guards and Ragan. You need me there.”

“No, Jovis. I know what I need. And I do not need a liar.”

I went.

40

Lin

Gaelung Island

I’d thought nothing could hurt worse than my father’s betrayal, learning that he’d never actually loved me, but merely the ghost I would never become. My heart was guarded against such things, I’d thought.

Time and experience make fools of us all.

And the worst was, I wasn’t sure what hurt more – the fact that Jovis had lied to me from the beginning, or the way the door had shut behind him, leaving me alone. Somewhere in the time we’d spent together, I’d started to feel like I could rely on him, that we had a kinship. I thought the only thing that could make me feel better was an embrace, and the only hug I could remember receiving had been from him.

I ripped up the crumpled remains of the letter, my vision blurred.

Thrana was pacing by the door when I returned to my room. “Lin,” she said when I entered. “Something is wrong. What happened?”

I buried my face in her fur, wrapping my arms around her neck. She waited patiently while I sobbed, my tears wetting her chest. I’d been so foolish – a child yearning for connection. And he’d taken advantage of that, letting me seek out his approval the way I’d sought my father’s. I had to be stronger than that, better than that. “I sent him away,” I told Thrana. “He lied and I told him to leave.”

She let out a breath. It smelled of the ocean. A heavy paw came to rest on my back – her version of an embrace. I sagged into it, knowing that even though I loved her, it wasn’t enough for me.

“You need other people,” she said, as though reading the thoughts in my head. “This is not good.”

“It was the only thing I could do.”