I pulled myself together and resumed the fight. I screeched for all I was worth, lashed out in all directions, threw myself to the ground, jumped up, stumbled again, threw myself down once more, and then jumped up again. What was the point of my birth and my survival? What was the point of my dreams and my prayers? What was the point of the blessings others had given me, of their praise and their promises, or of the efforts I myself had made? I had been cheated out of a life. I did not belong between sky and earth.

So far, my voice hadn’t gone hoarse nor my body limp. But I knew I was about to lose my voice and the strength in my limbs, and that thought enraged me more than anything else.

But the same knowledge also made me fight. Who was I if I could not ward off he injustice so shamelessly inflicted upon me?

Why was I this way?

Why was it this way?

Why, i-ih-iiij, why?

The defiance in me blazed fie cely.

Under no circumstances would I give up the fight. I had to fight to the finish, come what may. So what if my neck broke and my thread of life snapped? So what if I bit the dust, forever the poor devil, and black worms ate me? So what if the loaded dice fell that way? And so I went on, ranting and raving …

Glossary

GLOSSARY

Ail (Mongolian) settlement consisting of several yurts

Aimag (Mong.) administrative unit (provinces or regions); in Tuvan, it can refer to any administrative unit

Arate (Mong.) poor herder, a pillar of Socialist society

Awaj (Tuvan) sister, aunt; form of address for females among one’s paternal relatives

Baj (Turkic) rich person

Daaj (Tuv.) maternal relatives

Darga (Mong.) supervisor, head, person in position of authority

Deedis (Tuv.) euphemism for Deeri—sky

Desgen (Tuv.) plant with a strong, hard root

Dör (Tuv.) the north side of a yurt, opposite the entrance, considered the place of honor

Dshargak (Tuv.) skirt-like piece of clothing made of sheep or goat leather, worn by the poor

Dshelbege (Tuv.) fairy-tale character who devours everything but is never satisfi d

Dshele (Tuv.) a rope to tether yak calves and foals

Dshula (Tuv.) a lamp that burns clarifi d butter, used for religious purposes

Dshut (Tuv.) violent weather, most often leading to a lack of food for the animals

Düüleesh (Tuv.) alpine plant with strong roots and soft, bushy tops

Enej (Tuv.) grandmother

Eshej (Tuv.) grandfather

Gashyk (Tuv.) ankle bones of sheep and goats, used both as a toy and as an oracle

Gök-Deeri (Tuv.) blue sky, revered as sacred

Hara mola (Tuv.) curse, referring to a Kazakh burial marker

Hara-Sojan (Tuv.) one of the three main ethnic groups among the Tuvans, the other two being the Ak-Sojan and the Gök-Mondshak

Hendshe (Tuv.) baby lambs, kept in a flock by themselves and herded by children; also, the youngest child