“No,” I agree.

“So tonight, we Twizzler.”

One thing first, though.

“Do you regret it?” I ask them.

“We knew it was risky,” Nevaeh says. “We knew we could be caught.”

“I really did think it would just be demerits and detention,” Katherine says.

“Immoral conduct, fuck.” Nevaeh shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

“Whatever happens, I believe we’ll be okay,” Katherine says softly. “I really believe that. I believe we don’t have to be locked into one idea of the future.”

“We’ll find a new way,” Nevaeh says. “We’ll make new goals. We will be amazing.”

“It’s not that easy to stop us,” I say. My heart shouldn’t fit in my chest. “I love you so much. Do you know that? I should say that more.”

“No regrets,” Nevaeh says. Katherine nods.

“None,” she says. “Don’t cry!” she says.

“Fine, fine, let’s bust out the capybaras, then,” I say, sniffling and settling back, all of us crammed in my bunk. Resting up for tomorrow. We’ll be ready for them.

23

What I’m not ready for is people staring. Or at least that’s what it feels like as I make my way over to the studio. We’re news, even to kids in the academic-track classes, because this is a small school, and I guess that I’m pretty easy to spot as the fat dancer who put on a sex show.

The locker room goes silent when I walk in. The door of the locker too loud when I swing it shut.

“Is it true?” Ellory says, taking a spot at the barre next to me.

She knows the basics—she’s on the honor board. But does she really think it was a sex show?

“Of course not,” I snap.

“Not judging,” she says. “Curious.”

Right. Sure.

“Well, thanks for asking,” I say.

She lifts her eyebrows at my tone.

“I mean, I’m sorry. I’m on edge.” I shouldn’t piss her off, right?

She shrugs. “See you later,” she says, moving back to her regular spot at the barre.

I keep my head down for the rest of the day, not wanting to catch anyone’s eye, assuming they’re judging me too. I can’t have any more of those conversations.

Nevaeh and Katherine are dealing with the same shit, they each say, texting the group.

I type, here’s our new future plan: run away and join the circus

the circus is unethical and abusive to animals, Katherine writes.

ok fine let’s just run away, I type. I’m only half joking.

I’m late to history class, rushing through the door and taking the last open seat, directly in front of Jack.

“Hi,” he whispers from behind me, but I don’t turn around, because Mr. Hoffman is glaring at me.