“I couldn’t,” I say. I breathe in deep. “And I’m glad I didn’t. I loved it. I wish I could make you understand what it was like. And how good we felt.” I am sick and scared about what’s going to happen to us—but I wouldn’t change anything. I would still have done it. I still would’ve loved every moment of it.

Carly’s quiet for a moment. “I know, Addie,” she says. “That doesn’t mean you didn’t break the rules. You know you deserve demerits.”

“I know,” I say. “We were ready for them!”

“Demerits,” she says. “Suspension. Then detention for the rest of the year. An official warning on your—”

“Okay!” I say. “I know! All those things.”

“All those things,” she agrees. “But, from what you’ve told me, the immoral-conduct charge sounds like bullshit.”

I love her so much in that moment. I squeeze her hand.

“I don’t know what to do about it,” I tell her.

“You can speak at the hearing,” she says. “You have to speak at the hearing. It’s possible you might be able to get them to back away from the more serious charge.”

I sit up at that, heart somewhere around my throat and beating all wrong.

“Maybe,” she says, seeing the look on my face. “I don’t want to get you excited about something that might not happen.”

“But maybe,” I say.

“Maybe,” she agrees. “You’d have to be thoughtful when you speak about it. Clear. Convincing.”

“We can do that,” I say. “I can do that.” I can do that. I have to do it, anyway. Pretend that I’m someone who speaks up in class, who can give moving speeches, who can ask a room full of people to really listen to her and be powerful and convincing when they do.

I could do that. I could make sure my friends are safe.

“And Addie,” she says. She hesitates and I brace myself. “I haven’t gotten the official word yet. But I know they’re going to tell me to pull you out of the mentor program.”

Pull me out of the mentor program? Oh god, Zoe. My freshmen girls. I’ve been so proud to work with them, and so proud of them. And now, unexpectedly, a blow to the heart, I’ve lost them.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling again. “Well, that makes sense, right?”

“God, Addie. I can’t stand this. I admire your bravery, I do. But, god, it was reckless,” she says, sighing.

I start stuffing my things back into the garment bag and shrug. “Go big or go home,” I say. “Right? Shape the world to fit me.” I zip it up.

Carly smiles at that. “Well, I guess I know you were listening.”

“To every word,” I say.