“He did,” Aleksei said. His mouth was a flat line, his tone almost philosophical. “He fell because he and Hodr were alone in the woods, and they tried to climb for mistletoe. Because they were alone, with no one to look after them. Because I told Baldr and Hodr that I had better things to do than watch them all night.”

I was as cold as a stone, standing in the midst of them. I half expected my breath to fog on the air.

“Aleksei,” I said cautiously. “It was an accident.”

He laughed, and the sound tore at the quiet in the room. “Selah, I already told you,” Aleksei said, bitter and earnest.

He had already told me—that night Alfödr had thrown him out of the ball.

Because you haven’t made a mistake yet and been forced to taste the consequences.

“Alfödr cannot afford to suffer fools,” Aleksei snarled softly. “And I’m the king of them all. And I’m still in his house, but I might as well be exiled with Hodr.”

52

The drengs outside muttered to one another as Aleksei straightened his clothes and shunted past them, looking shaken and furious.

When I faced him again, Torden’s hands were in fists, his expression fierce despite Fredrik’s hand on his shoulder and Bragi’s even, low tones. I suddenly felt childish, out of place in their barracks. “Should I go?”

Torden yanked his shirt off the laundry pile and pulled it back on. “No, wait. Please.” When he crossed to my side and kissed my temple, I nearly burst into tears.

Torden had been respectful of me, so restrained at first and then so steadily affectionate that I’d struggled to imagine him fighting, arriving in his father’s office with black eyes. I didn’t know what to make of this version of him. I didn’t know what to make of Torden’s fury, Aleksei’s bitterness and guilt.

Only his arm around my shoulder felt the same. Everything else felt wrong.

We left the brakker in silence and mounted the stairs. “What did he say?” I suddenly asked. “That made you so angry?”

“I would not repeat it in front of you if my life depended on it.”

“That bad?”

Torden’s eyes tightened. “Obscene.”

“Can’t you just—explain what he meant?” I asked uncertainly.

“No.”

“Torden, I’m a girl, not a porcelain figurine. More important things have come up tonight. And I’ll feel worse if you leave me in the dark about something your whole barracks heard.”

He took a long breath, leaning back against Anya’s door. “Aleksei asked if you’d traded your innocence for my manhood,” he finally said, “because I’d lost all my nerve and you’d found some.”

My skin crawled, and I looked away.