Adrian was so exasperated he lightly slapped the bare wall with the flat of his hand. ‘Let’s go and find the newsroom then.’

‘Yeah, let’s get on with it. I’ve got to go into town this afternoon and get my ankle looked at.’

Adrian decided simply to act as if Gavin had never said that. ‘Which way do you reckon it is?’

When, last night, they’d crept into the bunker’s bright interior, Adrian had memorized the turnings they took and made Gavin repeat them back to him in case they were separated. But as for finding something else…

‘Let’s try the way that man went.’

They walked after Jeremy, Gavin still limping slightly from yesterday’s fall off the perimeter fence. Adrian was sure he was exaggerating. He tried to ignore it and search the scene for telling details. Gavin was looking only at the framed photographs they passed. He said, ‘Some of these are pretty sick. Wouldn’t it be amazing if one of them had like a secret vault behind it and then a whole other bunker underneath this decoy one?’

Adrian almost despaired of him. But he told himself that, to be fair, at least the lad was using his ingenuity. ‘Yes, it would be amazing. And really…’ He shook his head with wry amusement. ‘You never know with a paper like the Beast. I wouldn’t put anything past them.’

‘Like having a second bunker?’

‘Well, no, I don’t think that. Just the excavation involved, the cost…’ He relented: ‘But I suppose if they have one secret bunker, why not two?’

‘Yeah, who knows what kind of crazy shit we’ll find in here.’

‘Exactly! That’s it, Gavin, that’s exactly it!’ Adrian was delighted by the phrase. ‘Crazy shit,’ he repeated, ‘that’s it exactly.’

They came to a stretch of corridor that had many closed doors set into both sides, with a department name Sellotaped to each one. On the label marked ‘Diary’ someone had graffitied in slanting blue biro ‘BLOWJOBS £10 ALL DAY!!’ Gavin was intrigued.

Adrian could not see one that said ‘Newsroom’. ‘So,’ he asked, making sure to involve Gavin, ‘what do you think?’

‘That one’s got a proper sign on it that says “SUB BASEMENT”.’ Gavin pointed. It was true. A sign in blue-and-white plastic. Adrian said, ‘So that’ll be the entrance to the secret sub-bunker.’

Gavin smirked. Adrian thought it might be the first time he’d made a joke that Gavin had (almost) laughed at. Gavin usually never even seemed to recognize his jokes as such.

‘Maybe it’s a missile silo, or like a big control room with loads of scientists, and the prime minister and the Editor of the Beast making plans to take over the whole of Britain.’

Adrian let slide that the PM was already in charge of the whole of Britain. ‘There’s certainly an entire printing press in here somewhere.’