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Contents ( 23)
  1. Acknowledgements
  2. Chapter One: 1978
  3. Chapter Two: Now
  4. Chapter Three: 1983
  5. Chapter Four: Now
  6. Chapter Five: Now
  7. Chapter Six: 1986
  8. Chapter Seven: Now
  9. Chapter Eight: 1995
  10. Chapter Nine: Now
  11. Chapter Ten: 1996
  12. Chapter Eleven: Now
  13. Chapter Twelve: 2006
  14. Chapter Thirteen: Now
  15. Chapter Fourteen: 2010
  16. Chapter Fifteen : Now
  17. Chapter Sixteen: Now
  18. Chapter Seventeen: 2006 and earlier
  19. Chapter Eighteen: Now
  20. Chapter Nineteen: Now, August
  21. Chapter Twenty: Now
  22. Chapter Twenty-one: Midwinter Day
  23. Chapter One (Now)

“It’s only a first draft. You don’t have to marry him, you know.”

“Sorry?”

“You don’t have to marry Paul,” said Finn. “You can still run for it.”

“We live together,” said Ava. “We own a house. It’s the morning of my wedding day. Those are my flowers in the hall. That’s my dress on the back of the door. Everyone will be on their way to the church. I’m supposed to be there in forty minutes.”

“So what? You can sell the house and bin the flowers and wear the dress to go to the beach in. I’ll go and tell everyone. In fact, I insist.”

“But I love him.”

“But you’re not sure.”

“Wedding day jitters. I’m nervous about walking down the aisle with all those people looking at me.”

“Remember the time we got drunk with those guys from that band? We came down on the coach for the weekend and went to a lock-in in Covent Garden and drank absinthe until two in the morning? And then we got a taxi and broke into that lido? And you took your dress off and went swimming? And even the policemen cheered when you climbed out?”

“Oh God,” said Ava, smiling faintly. “Don’t tell Paul. He’d be horrified if he knew I’d been arrested for disorderly conduct.”

“If he loves you he won’t care,” said Finn. “I sometimes think he’s got this idea of you in his head and he’s trying to turn you into it.”

“But,” said Ava, “the thing is… the trouble is… I think I want to be the person he’s got in his head. I want to be serene and mysterious and sleek and groomed and well-off. And, and, this is awful, but it’s true; it’s so lovely not having to worry about money. We were so broke for such a long time… ”

“But it was great,” Finn interrupted. “You were great. It didn’t matter how much of a dump we were living in, you always made it fantastic.”

“No, you made it fantastic,” said Ava. “You still do. Look at this place. It costs half nothing, but I’d still rather be here than – oh, shit.”

“So don’t get married,” said Finn. “You can stay with me while you sort things out.”

“But we work at the same office. I can’t just not marry him on Saturday, then turn up for work on Monday.”

“Get another job.”

Ava shook her head. “It’s too complicated. I’d have to work my notice and they might not give me a reference and – no, it’s no good, I’ve got to go through with it now. We’re a couple, it’s all decided anyway. This is just the paperwork. It’ll be fine. We’re a good team. We get on well. You can’t expect to be all excited and happy on your wedding day when you’ve lived with someone for two years and washed their underwear and seen them sit on the sofa picking their nose.” She stood up. “Can you hand me my dress?”