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Contents ( 23)
  1. Acknowledgements
  2. Chapter One: 1978
  3. Chapter Two: Now
  4. Chapter Three: 1983
  5. Chapter Four: Now
  6. Chapter Five: Now
  7. Chapter Six: 1986
  8. Chapter Seven: Now
  9. Chapter Eight: 1995
  10. Chapter Nine: Now
  11. Chapter Ten: 1996
  12. Chapter Eleven: Now
  13. Chapter Twelve: 2006
  14. Chapter Thirteen: Now
  15. Chapter Fourteen: 2010
  16. Chapter Fifteen : Now
  17. Chapter Sixteen: Now
  18. Chapter Seventeen: 2006 and earlier
  19. Chapter Eighteen: Now
  20. Chapter Nineteen: Now, August
  21. Chapter Twenty: Now
  22. Chapter Twenty-one: Midwinter Day
  23. Chapter One (Now)

“Was it cold?” Alicia wished she’d got a towel ready instead of stealing biscuits.

Ava was speechless and shivering. Her fingers were clumsy as she scrabbled through the suitcase. Zipping it closed again, she tore a thumbnail. Alicia winced as Ava bit it impatiently off and let it flutter away on the breeze. The plaster on her palm flapped like a broken wing. Alicia took the towel and patted water from Ava’s back.

“The water’s lovely,” Ava explained, through blue lips. “It’s the walk back that finishes you off.” She peeled off her underwear and dropped it to the sand, then wriggled clumsily into her t-shirt. “God, am I putting on weight or something? Why can’t I get this stupid thing on?”

“Of course you’re not.” Alicia picked gingerly at the cotton, trying to unroll it without scratching Ava’s skin, which looked thin and shrivelled. For the first time, Alicia understood what her dad meant when he said it wasn’t attractive to be too skinny. “It’s because your hands are cold.” She handed Ava her jumper, then her jeans. Ava wrestled with the chilly, damp denim, then sat down hard on the sand, half-laughing, half-embarrassed.

“I can’t do the button,” she admitted.

Shyly, Alicia took hold of Ava’s whitened fingers. “We need to get the blood flowing.”

“It’s okay, I just need a minute.”

“No, this works, I promise.” Alicia rubbed Ava’s fingers between her own, gently at first, then vigorously. “It gets the circulation going. My dad used to do this when I was little. When we used to go to the park – actually no, it can’t have been my dad, he was always at work – oh!” The sudden memory was overwhelming. She was engulfed by her mother’s presence, the glossy dark hair, the glow of her cheeks, the scent of her face-powder. The shock was so great that she dropped Ava’s hands into her lap. Her own hands flew to her cheeks.

Ava flexed her fingers. “That’s much better. You’re a life-saver.” Her gaze was on Alicia’s face, but not looking directly into her eyes. “I might actually manage to dress myself now.” She stood up and turned away, wrestling with the button. “Yep, that’s done it. Just in time. There’s Finn with George’s trolley. Wish we’d had it when we moved down here. Can you pass me that carrier bag?”

She crammed her underwear clumsily into the bag and shoved it into her coat pocket. Alicia blinked hard several times and turned to let the wind blow away the expression from her face. By the time Finn arrived with the trolley, she was able to look at him and grin.

“This is a wicked plan,” she told him. “Where are you going now?”

“Up the coast.” Finn glanced at Ava. Ava smiled. “Want to come with us?”

Finn stowed Alicia carefully in the centre of the single wide seat. “You have to sit here because it’s the safest place. Well, I’m saying that. To be honest, I’m not sure any of it’s all that good. But if someone side-beams us you’ll have me and Ava for padding.”