“Yes,” I said. “You have.” How to lamb, shear, milk, slaughter, and butcher. How to plant, grow, harvest, and preserve. How to make bread, make hay, make food from trash. How to trust, how to be involved in the wild parts of life. How to brew an abortion and how to brew napalm.

“It won’t spread if you lay it right,” he said. Did he really believe this? And then he paused. “There are bones in there,” he said, “our departed friends. They protected us, but now they’ll hurt us, they’ll draw the evil toward us. Listen for it, Harmony.”

For a second we were both silent, listening. Woooo went the wind in the trees. “Hear the choppers?” he said. “That’s evil coming for us.” My palm hurt where two years ago the splinter had stuck. The screech owls sounded like human babies; our little owl was out there somewhere, swiveling its head to try to find the sound. I would be for Dice what our songbook called a valiant soldier. And all his valiant soldiers eternally shall live!

And that was the last time I ever saw him.

* * *

I took an electric lantern, a jam jar of our napalm, a long fuse, and a wooden spoon. I was determined to do my job right. I ran into the pig stable but couldn’t navigate between the pigs. They were enormous and asleep and snoring. I didn’t want to wake them, so I went back around to the cow stable and headed up into the hayloft. The temperature had dropped, and I shivered as I stumbled through the enormous stacks. Queen was sprawled out asleep on the mattress. I didn’t know how she could sleep through a night like this; now I wonder if she might have been high. I tried to pull the mattress out of the way and fell over. She woke up.

She smiled at me, sadly, knowingly. “But you will get in trouble, coming out here,” she said.

“Certainly, you don’t care about my getting in trouble,” I said, “since you’re so determined to destroy all our lives.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “They won’t arrest you and me, we’re victims, you see.”

“I’m not a victim of anything,” I said. “Move. I need to get to the door underneath.”

“Harmony,” she said, “they’ve forced you—”

“Come on,” I said.

She got up and together we lugged the mattress away. I brushed the hay aside. Beneath was a glossy black door.

“Where are you going?”

“I wanted to check on the lambs,” I said.

I opened the door and dropped my lantern down.

“At this time of year?” Queen asked.

I lowered myself down into the dark room. My feet landed with a crunch. The room was warm and smelled like vanilla. “I’ll explain tomorrow,” I called up to her.