So I could turn to Bay. I thought about how to manage it. We’d start the hour-and-a-half drive to Asheville right at lunchtime. When Bay drove to the first Dumpster—I knew he had a whole circuit in Asheville, unlike in Mars Hill, where only the Ingles was worth scavenging—I’d cajole my way into going on a private errand. I could ask Bay if he needed me to pick anything up at a hardware store, perhaps, or if he wanted me to buy him some chocolate. Then I would walk to Isaac. I didn’t have money for a bus. Maybe I was walking right into a trap. But I was getting used to walking into traps.

Eventually I’d find my way back to Bay. I’d return to some predetermined meet-up point and apologize that my errand had taken so long. I’d say I got lost, and he wouldn’t be mad. We’d drive back, and I’d know for certain whether my mother was dead or alive, and once I knew that I could finally calm down and be worthy of the family, and the spring would arrive, and now that Dice trusted me I would be able to take action for the land. I imagined spiking trees, sleeping high in a tripod, smashing windows, lighting fuses, throwing bombs. I wanted all of it. I was ready for it.

* * *

I found Bay in the tool room in the barn, screwing a pitchfork back onto its handle.

“Can we drive into Asheville this afternoon?”

“Why would you want to do that?” I watched him sort through the screws so carefully.

“It’s Valentine’s Day.”

He said nothing, focused on his work.

I continued, “Remember last year, how we went to the Dumpsters? That was my first time in town as a family member. It was such a special trip.”

He reached out his hand and caught it in my sheared-off hair. I felt like the owl that calmed under Dice’s hand. “All right,” he said. “Let’s go.”

But I was supposed to find Isaac at two p.m. It was too early still. I wanted to leave here after lunchtime, so I’d have at least an hour with Isaac, if he came.

“I think we should leave in a few hours,” I said to Bay. “You know, when we’re more tired. So we can relax in the car.”

“This afternoon I’ve got to help Gemini with some lumber project,” Bay said.

“Can you wait an hour? I should milk.”

Bay said, “What’s up, Harmony?”

“Nothing,” I said.

“Hey, Bip!” he called as Bip went to ring the breakfast bell. “Can you milk this morning?”