Contents ( 42)
- The Art of Breathing
- Part One: How We Became Who We Are
- Prologue: Or, Where the Kid Hears the Word of the Day
- 1. Where Tyson Learns to Breathe
- 2. Where Tyson Makes a Phone Call
- 3. Where Tyson Graduates and Bear Freaks Out
- 4. Where Tyson Says Good-Bye
- 5. Where Tyson Gets the Mail
- Part Two: Coming Home
- 6. Where Tyson Comes Home
- 7. Where Tyson Gives a History Lesson
- 8. Where Tyson Attends the Most Awkward Party Ever
- 9. Where Tyson Plans Attends a Protest
- 10. Where Tyson Gets Arrested
- 11. Where Tyson Gets His Ass Handed to Him
- 12. Where Tyson Writes Bad Poetry and Gawks at Frat Boys
- 13. Where Tyson Decides to Man the Fuck Up
- 14. Where Tyson Asks Some Questions
- 15. Where Tyson Remembers Theresa Jean Paquinn
- 16. Where Tyson Learns the Benefit of Therapy
- 17. Where Tyson Meets the Man Who Becomes Helena Handbasket
- 18. Where Tyson Gets Screwed at His Own Birthday Party (And Not in a Good Way)
- Part Three: Just Breathe
- 19. Where Tyson Goes to Helena Handbasket’s Sex Dungeon
- 20. Where Tyson Beholds the Awesome Wonder That Is Paul Auster
- 21. Where Tyson Receives Advice from the Six Sages
- 22. Where Tyson Makes a Phone Call
- 23. Where Tyson Hears the Inevitable
- 24. Where Tyson Meets His Match
- 25. Where Tyson Says Hello, Where Tyson Says Good-bye
- 26. Where Tyson Touches upon the Inevitable
- 27. Where Tyson Faces the Music
- 28. Where Tyson Breathes
- 29. Tyson And Dominic
- 30. The Art Of Breathing
- Epilogue: Or, Bear’s Perspective, As It Were (Yeah, He’s Gonna Freak)
- Author’s Note
- Excerpt
- Prologue: Or, Where Bear Answers the Door
- More from TJ Klune
- Readers love the Bear, Otter, and the Kid Chronicles by TJ Klune
- By TJ Klune
Kori turns to me and says, “I like him.”
“Oh joy,” I mumble at her. “My life is now complete.”
“I certainly don’t know why you and Tyson haven’t kept in touch,” Kori says to Dominic, and I swear the temperature in the car drops at least fifty degrees. “A man such as yourself with your obvious degree of acceptance. Well, you are young, I guess. What are you? Twenty-four? Twenty-five?”
“He’s twenty-six,” I say without meaning to.
“Twenty-six!” Kori says cheerfully. “And so big. Oh my, yes. Aren’t you just the biggest thing I ever did see?”
“I work out,” Dominic says with a shrug. He’s obviously enjoying himself far too much, and I realize the cooler temperature is only coming from me, but it’s radiating throughout the car.
“I can tell,” she says. “But back to you and Ty. Why is it that you haven’t kept in touch? Obviously it doesn’t have to do with his rampant homosexuality, because you seem to be of the tolerant sort.”
“Rampant homosexuality?” I ask her. “What does that even mean?”
“It means,” she explains, “that some might see me as a boy in a dress, but you still take the rainbow cake any day of the week.” She lowers her voice and whispers conspiratorially to Dominic, “He’s so gay even his cock is crooked.”
“Kori!” I shout.
“What? It is! That’s why I call you Captain Wicked Hook.”
That’s an outrageous lie! Well, sort of. It does bend. A little. Don’t look at me that way. “I will murder you,” I promise her.
But of course, she ignores me completely. “And why wouldn’t I be the one to know? You did have it pressed against me. On multiple occasions. Oh, the shenanigans we seem to find ourselves in!” Her eyes go mockingly wide, her voice fluttering. “Oh! Not that we were actually drinking, officer. Tyson is underage, after all. Did I say wine coolers? I meant orange juice.” It had actually been wine coolers, and I stopped at two when I realized that while drunk, I tend to laugh in such a way that it makes it sound as if I’m a pair of mating kangaroos. It’s not a pretty sound, more of a guttural OOOAAHH OOOAAHH. Go ahead. Google it if you must.
See? It’s pretty bad when you sound like kangaroos making sexy time. I’ve decided to live a life of sobriety so I don’t end up as a marital aid to get kangaroos in the mood at the San Diego Zoo.
Dominic tightens his hands around the steering wheel so much his knuckles turn white.
“So?” Kori asks. “You and Tyson? No? Anything? Well, shucks! I guess I’ll never really know your side. To hear Tyson tell it, you look like the villain indeed.”
The police car stops. I look out the window, thankful for the distraction. Until I see we’re parked in front of the Green Monstrosity. As if he was waiting for us, Bear opens the front door and glares at us, his arms crossed. Otter appears behind him and says something in his ear, but Bear shakes his head angrily.