Contents ( 42)
- The Art of Breathing
- Part One: How We Became Who We Are
- Prologue: Or, Where the Kid Hears the Word of the Day
- 1. Where Tyson Learns to Breathe
- 2. Where Tyson Makes a Phone Call
- 3. Where Tyson Graduates and Bear Freaks Out
- 4. Where Tyson Says Good-Bye
- 5. Where Tyson Gets the Mail
- Part Two: Coming Home
- 6. Where Tyson Comes Home
- 7. Where Tyson Gives a History Lesson
- 8. Where Tyson Attends the Most Awkward Party Ever
- 9. Where Tyson Plans Attends a Protest
- 10. Where Tyson Gets Arrested
- 11. Where Tyson Gets His Ass Handed to Him
- 12. Where Tyson Writes Bad Poetry and Gawks at Frat Boys
- 13. Where Tyson Decides to Man the Fuck Up
- 14. Where Tyson Asks Some Questions
- 15. Where Tyson Remembers Theresa Jean Paquinn
- 16. Where Tyson Learns the Benefit of Therapy
- 17. Where Tyson Meets the Man Who Becomes Helena Handbasket
- 18. Where Tyson Gets Screwed at His Own Birthday Party (And Not in a Good Way)
- Part Three: Just Breathe
- 19. Where Tyson Goes to Helena Handbasket’s Sex Dungeon
- 20. Where Tyson Beholds the Awesome Wonder That Is Paul Auster
- 21. Where Tyson Receives Advice from the Six Sages
- 22. Where Tyson Makes a Phone Call
- 23. Where Tyson Hears the Inevitable
- 24. Where Tyson Meets His Match
- 25. Where Tyson Says Hello, Where Tyson Says Good-bye
- 26. Where Tyson Touches upon the Inevitable
- 27. Where Tyson Faces the Music
- 28. Where Tyson Breathes
- 29. Tyson And Dominic
- 30. The Art Of Breathing
- Epilogue: Or, Bear’s Perspective, As It Were (Yeah, He’s Gonna Freak)
- Author’s Note
- Excerpt
- Prologue: Or, Where Bear Answers the Door
- More from TJ Klune
- Readers love the Bear, Otter, and the Kid Chronicles by TJ Klune
- By TJ Klune
He’s panting by the time he finishes. His face is red. He slings back the rest of the wine.
“No words,” Corey says in awe. “Should… have sent… a poet.” Jodie Foster in Contact he is not.
“You guys are going to have a kid?” Jerry says, sounding thunderstruck.
“We’re going to be grandparents again?” Alice says with tears in her eyes.
“What is in this wine?” Ian asks, frowning at his glass.
“This is such a wonderful day,” Stephanie says happily.
“Hey, Mom!” JJ says. “What do you call a bunny with a bent penis? Fucks Funny!”
“JJ!” Anna shrieks. “Where did you hear that?”
JJ’s eyes go wide. “Dad told me, and then he said not to tell you.” He rests his chin on his hand and pouts. “Oh crap. Now I’m going to be hung by my thumbs in the orphanage.”
“Traitor,” Creed grumbles.
“Creed!” Anna shouts.
“Anna’s pregnant again,” he says, raising his hands as if to ward off the incoming blows.
“Creed!”
“What?” he says, sounding offended. “You are. I should know. I put it there. On purpose this time.”
“You’re what?” her parents say at the same time.
“Again?” Otter asks.
She rolls her eyes. “Yes. Again. Eight weeks.” She casts a murderous glare at Creed, who is whistling and staring at the ceiling. “We were going to wait to tell you, because we wanted today to be about the Kid.”
“I have no problem with this,” I assure her. “Please, continue.” When you’re knee-deep in it, it’s better to just go with it; otherwise you get bowled over.
“Dear Jesus,” Corey says. “Thank you for this whole thing. This is magical. Like you wouldn’t even believe.”
“We’re going to be grandparents?” Alice asks. “Even more?”
“Can I have it?” Bear says hopefully.
“No, Bear, you can’t have my unborn child,” Anna says dryly.
“You can have the next one,” Creed says. “I mean, by the third, they just have to slide right out of there, right? How hard could it be?”
Every male in the room grimaces. It’s not a pleasant image.
“I’m pretty sure that’s not what happens,” Alice says, patting her son’s hand. “You took at least fourteen hours.”
“That’s because of my big—”
“Head,” his dad finishes. “You got stuck at the head because it was the size of a watermelon.”
“I am not a baby factory,” Anna says. “Just so we’re clear.”
“Do you guys have a donor yet?” Creed asks Otter.
Otter, looking resigned, shakes his head.
“Why couldn’t you, then?” he asks Anna. “Think about it! We’d be keeping it in the family! You’ll have carried mine and my brother’s babies! And your ex-boyfriend’s, because they can mix them all in now!” He pauses. His eyes narrow. “Wait. That doesn’t sound right. At all. And I don’t know how I feel about that.” He turns and glares at Bear and Otter. “I don’t think I want either of you getting my wife pregnant. Stay away from her baby factory.”