I laugh. It feels good. “It’s only been four days.”

“Yeah, but it’s the longest you’ve been away. He also wants to get a dog. I told him just as long as he picks up the shit, I have no problem. Why the hell not.”

“Big dog?”

“Of course! You’re not going to see me with a little wussy dog that barks like a squeak toy. I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Dog and kids, huh? Domestic bliss.”

“Seriously,” he says. “We’ll just have to fuck with that bliss by staying in the Green Monstrosity. No house in the burbs for us, that’s for damn sure. How’s Tucson?”

“Hot,” I say. “No trees. It’s bigger than I thought too.”

I hear him cover the phone, and murmured voices go back and forth. He comes back on. “Otter says hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” I say back, knowing he’s listening in. I hear Otter chuckle. That’s enough, knowing they’re both there. I can do it now. I think. “Bear?”

“Yeah, Kid?”

“Things… have changed.” I swallow past the lump in my throat.

“Oh?” I hear him say carefully. “How’s that?”

“Dom… he… I think….” I stop. “No. That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m not coming home. At least not right away. Maybe a few more days.”

“Staying down in Tucson?” He knows better, but he’s giving me the chance.

“No.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to bring Dom back. And then I’m going… I’m going to Idaho.”

“Idaho,” he says flatly. “I hear it’s nice this time of year.”

“I have to go.”

“Do you?”

“I think so.”

“But you don’t know for sure.”

“No. I know. I have to.”

“There’s nothing for you there.” I know he’s trying to keep calm, keep his voice in check, but I hear the strain behind it.

“Probably. But I have to find out.”

“Why?”

“So I don’t ever wonder in the future what could have been.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“It’s for me. But it’s also for him.”

“Him? Who? You mean….” He sighs. “Him, huh? I wondered. If. When.”

“Yeah. But not like you think. It’s… I don’t know.” Understatement, that. One thing at a time, though.

“Come home,” he pleads. “Drop him off and pick me up. I’ll go with you. This isn’t something you have to do alone. We’ll do it together, like we always do. I’m begging you.”

“No,” I say. “I’m going to do it by myself, and then I’ll come home and we can laugh and we can talk and we can decide what to do with the future. And it will be good because everything bad will be behind us. Finally.”

“Can’t talk you out of this?” he asks. His voice is thick.

“No, Papa Bear. Not this time.”

“You little shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, you know,” my brother says. “With everything I have. With everything I am.”

I almost break. “You too,” I manage to say. With everything I have. With everything I am.