She glances over at me with a wry grin, her hair freshly curled around her face. “Oh please,” she says. “You look fucking hot. Well, you would if you’d stop walking like you have a butt plug up your ass.”

“I have to,” I argue. “It’s the only way people won’t be able to tell that I’m circumcised. Why do you even own pants like this? They’re a torture device!”

“It’s all to show off the goods.”

“I don’t want to show off my goods. Besides, whatever happened to inner beauty shining through for all the world to see? We’re not shallow people.”

“Inner beauty doesn’t catch your eye from across the room,” she says. “Your ass in those pants does, though.”

“I don’t need to attract attention. As a matter of fact, the less attention I, an underage patron in a bar, can attract, the better.”

“It’s already a little late for that,” she says, sounding amused. “Someone can’t keep their eyes off you.”

“Who?” I ask, looking around. Dom glances back at me and smiles, then continues his conversation with Vince. My heart does a weird little flip in my chest.

“God,” Kori says. “How can someone so smart be so completely stupid?”

“It’s just a phase,” I say. This is where I’ve decided I’m at now. I tried to love him, and it didn’t work. I tried ignoring him, and it didn’t work. I tried blocking my feelings, and it didn’t work. I tried accepting them and moving on, and it didn’t work. Now, being the fickle twenty-year-old that I am and making flip choices at the drop of a hat, I’ve decided it’s just a combination of hero worship, brotherly affection, and dirty thoughts combining into adolescent fantasy. Which, in the end, is just a phase I’m going through.

And have been for four years, it reminds me. But sure! It’s just a phase.

Just a couple more months, I tell it. Then I’m gone, back to New Hampshire, where I will focus on my life and make sure I get done what needs to be done.

That’s cool. I’m sure the first step toward responsible adulthood is those jeans you’re wearing. At least now we know what it feels like to have a rescinded testicle.

Shut up, I tell my crazy.

“We can’t stay that late,” I remind Kori. “Dom and I have to start driving back to Tucson in the morning.”

“Live a little,” Kori says. “Think of tonight as the first night of the rest of your life. Or the last night of carefree youth before you become a boring college student again. Lord knows you’re not going to have any fun back in Seafare the rest of the summer.”

“You sure about this?” I ask her. “You know, staying in Tucson? We haven’t really had a chance to talk about this.”

“We tried,” she reminds me. “Rather, I did. You pouted and refused to discuss it with me.”

“I never pouted.” I totally did.