“Like a punch in the face,” I tell him through the thunder in my ears.

“I wouldn’t normally say something like that. But I figure it’s time someone did. And regardless of what you think, you’re strong enough to hear it. Sometimes, tough love is what a person needs in order to clear their head.”

I’m incredulous. “That’s your idea of tough love?”

“Scary, isn’t it?” He sounds amused.

“Terrifying.”

“And yet, how accurate was it?”

“I don’t know if I can even respond to that.”

“So, very accurate, then.”

“Well, it’s not every day I get told I’m a manipulative junkie.”

He rolls his eyes. “Is that really what you took away from all that?”

“No,” I grumble. “I also took away that you’re a bit of a jerk.”

Eddie laughs. “You’ll thank me for it later.”

“I dream about her. Sometimes.” It’s out before I can stop it.

“Oh?” is all he says.

“That’s normal, right?”

“You’re asking me what normal is?”

I look down at my hands. “Right. Probably not the best question.”

“Normal is boring,” Eddie says. “I couldn’t imagine a drabber existence.”

“I could go for drab right now. It’d be a nice change from the crazy.”

“You’d get bored, I think.”

I sigh. “Maybe.”

“Are they bad dreams? You mentioned nightmares before.”

“Yes. Well, most of the time.”

He says nothing.

“Sometimes it’s her coming back. Like she did. She’s standing at the door and she’s smiling, and I think how I know her and I don’t. And I’m paralyzed. I can’t move, even though I know I should be running. I can’t move and I can’t… well. I can’t breathe.”

“That’s when she told Derrick she was fighting him for custody?”

“Yeah. Sort of. It got more convoluted than that.” Which is an understatement, of course. I didn’t find out until much later that she’d come back yet again when Otter and Mrs. Paquinn were in the hospital. I thought I’d be angry that Bear and Otter had kept that from me, and there were a few moments that I was. But when Bear told me what had been said between him and Julie McKenna, the anger melted away. How anyone could think that Bear Thompson is anything but the strongest man alive is beyond me. “They’re not all bad, though.”

“The dreams?”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Because there were… good parts. To her. I think.”

Eddie looks surprised. “There were?”

I almost feel embarrassed at this, that I should have any good memories of a woman so horrible as to leave her kids behind to fend for themselves, only to return to try and wreck their lives at the promise of money from a perfect stranger. How could there be anything good about someone like that?

But there is. There was. Once, she took me to the beach, and she and I flew a kite together, and she laughed and said, “Look how high it is! Look how high up the kite is, Ty!” And it was. It was as high as I’d ever seen it go before. And the way she had smiled at me, like I was the greatest thing she’d ever seen. And the way she had laughed with me, like she didn’t have a single care in all the world.